To: Oliver Kurland
From: Thomas Moorfield
Sent: Tuesday May 20th 11.52pm

Hey you.

Yeah, I did go from the airport straight here. Wanted to make sure you had
something waiting for you when you got home. Something to remind you that -
I guess that it wasn't just a dream. Right now it feels kind of unreal that
I'm not going to go get on a train into London and spend the night with you
again. Unreal, and empty and like the whole world's a little bit more
distant than normal.

I love you.

I must have said that a hundred times these last few days, and maybe typed it
a hundred times and then deleted it, but this is the first time I get to
leave it there, black and white, 1's and 0's, and I just hope you can hear
my voice in your head.

I love you, Oliver.

Hope you got home safe, and sweet dreams when you finally get to bed, love.

Your Tom.
************************
"God-like aliens...man do I hate God-like aliens! I'll trade a critter for a
God-like alien any day!"

To: Thomas Moorfield
From: Oliver Kurland
Sent: Wednesday May 21st 11:26am

Hey you,

> Yeah, I did go from the airport straight here. Wanted to make sure you had
> something waiting for you when you got home. Something to remind
> you that - I guess that it wasn't just a dream.

You have no idea how much I needed to see an e-mail from you, love. The plane
was...well, it was a trip. Mostly like the rest, except I couldn't sleep,
couldn't talk to Brett, just wanted to look out the window and try hard not
to forget anything.

When I fell asleep I dreamed of you.

> Right now it feels kind of unreal that I'm not going to go get on a train
> into London and spend the night with you again. Unreal, and empty and like the
> whole world's a little bit more distant than normal.

I know. My office was fine--I stopped in, sent the cleaning out and handed
in the paperwork--wasn't until the door closed on me here in my apartment
that it really hit. Looking at the couch, the bed...I need to sleep, but I
know that as soon as I lay down I'm going to miss you even more.

> I love you.

Love you so much.

> I must have said that a hundred times these last few days, and maybe typed
> it a hundred times and then deleted it, but this is the first time I get to
> leave it there, black and white, 1's and 0's, and I just hope you can hear
> my voice in your head.
>
> I love you, Oliver.

I can hear you. Can you hear me?

I love you, Tom.

> Hope you got home safe, and sweet dreams when you finally get to
> bed, love.

If I dream of you, they'll be sweet.

I'm going to crash for a couple of hours and then do some catching up--the
light on my answering machine is going ballistic, but I don't want to deal
with it right now.

I'll e-mail you when I wake up.

Tom? Thank you. Love you. Miss you.

Your Oliver.

To: Oliver Kurland
From: Thomas Moorfield
Sent: Wednesday May 21st 6.42pm

> You have no idea how much I needed to see an e-mail from you, love. The
> plane was...well, it was a trip. Mostly like the rest, except I couldn't sleep,
> couldn't talk to Brett, just wanted to look out the window and try hard
> not to forget anything.

Does it help to know that it's four weeks one day till you'll be here again,
building more memories? It really doesn't help as much as you'd think, does
it? Fuck it. You can't forget that you are loved, because I'm here, loving
you.

> When I fell asleep I dreamed of you.

Ditto.

> I need to sleep, but I know that as soon as I lay down I'm going to miss
> you even more.
>

Miss you, Oliver, love.

> > I love you, Oliver.
>
> I can hear you. Can you hear me?
>
> I love you, Tom.

Yes. So much.

All those people who thought I was falling too far too fast can go take a
running jump. Oliver, I'm beyond glad I can say that to you, hear that from
you. I love you. Not saying it was never going to stop me feeling it, and -
did I tell you today how happy it makes me that it wasn't too far too fast,
because you were right there feeling it, too?

> If I dream of you, they'll be sweet.

You, lover, are a romantic.

> I'm going to crash for a couple of hours and then do some catching up--the
> light on my answering machine is going ballistic, but I don't want to deal
> with it right now.
>
> I'll e-mail you when I wake up.

Morning, beautiful. Good luck with the catching up.

Been a weird day today - coming in to classes, and trying to get my head
down with this politics essay. I totally forgot I was meant to be having
lunch with Becka, and I just found a really fairly pissy note from her in my
mailbox when I went over to collect the last batch of handouts. Um - I'm
imagining that dropping her for a week to get with your new man and then
skipping lunch without getting in touch is Bad Manners. I tried calling
from a payphone but there's no one home yet, so I can't apologise. Me
thinks I should invite her over for dinner Friday, maybe make perfiterols or
something similarly extravagant. I owe housemates ice cream too. I'm not
*that* sorry, though. Been kind of drifting along in my own little bubble
with all these memories of you.

> Tom? Thank you. Love you. Miss you.

Yes, yes, and yes.

Love you.

T
************************
"God-like aliens...man do I hate God-like aliens! I'll trade a critter for a
God-like alien any day!"

To: Thomas Moorfield
From: Oliver Kurland
Sent: Wednesday May 21st 8:45pm

Hey love,

Had a sleep, got some stuff sorted. Had a billion phone messages from Jess
and Kerry. You'll love this--Peter found out I'm seeing someone in England
and got all wound up about how long distance relationships don't work and
told Kerry how serious I was--am--about you. So Kerry flipped out, saying
it wasn't going to work blah blah blah, then Jess jumped in and pretty much
told him to fuck off, that I can deal with my own life, thank you very much.

I love Jess. :-)

Anyway, part of me is pissed at Kerry for trying to control me, and part of
me knows that he's just worried. Most of me is beyond angry with Peter--he
has no right, you know?

All of me loves you.

> > You have no idea how much I needed to see an e-mail from you, love. The
> > plane was...well, it was a trip. Mostly like the rest, except I
> > couldn't sleep, couldn't talk to Brett, just wanted to look out the
> > window and try hard not to forget anything.
>
> Does it help to know that it's four weeks one day till you'll be
> here again, building more memories? It really doesn't help as much as
> you'd think, does it? Fuck it. You can't forget that you are loved, because I'm
> here, loving you.

It helps a bit, though. In the meantime I'll just concentrate on you and
how you are and how I feel--and torture myself with the mental image of the
look on your face when you come for me.

Oh, bought you a present--should be there on Saturday, if you have weekend
mail delivery. >:-) Look for the discreet packaging.

> Miss you, Oliver, love.

Miss you too, love. Rolled over to kiss you good morning when I woke up.
Hated the empty bed.

> All those people who thought I was falling too far too fast can go take a
> running jump. Oliver, I'm beyond glad I can say that to you,
> hear that from you. I love you. Not saying it was never going to stop me
> feeling it, and - Did I tell you today how happy it makes me that it wasn't too
> far too fast, because you were right there feeling it too?

I know, I understand, I can't agree more. You and me? Just right. Fits,
you know? And the others can deal with their own thoughts. Not our
problem.

Love you so much.

> > If I dream of you, they'll be sweet.
>
> You, lover, are a romantic.

Yeah. :-) You knew that, though. :D

> Been a weird day today - coming in to classes, and trying to get my head
> down with this politics essay. I totally forgot I was meant to be having
> lunch with Becka, and I just found a really fairly pissy note
> from her in my mailbox when I went over to collect the last batch of handouts. Um - I'm
> imagining that dropping her for a week to get with your new man and then
> skipping lunch without getting in touch is Bad Manners. I tried calling
> from a payphone but there's no one home yet, so I can't apologise. Me
> thinks I should invite her over for dinner Friday, maybe make
> perfiterols or something similarly extravagant. I owe housemates ice cream too. I'm not
> *that* sorry, though. Been kind of drifting along in my own little bubble
> with all these memories of you.

Eek! Did you get a hold of her? Was she way pissed? And lucky them,
getting you to cook for them. They better appreciate it. ;-)

I think I'll be less than useful at the office tomorrow, but they're getting
used to that. I spent the week before the trip working flat out and
spending my down time staring into space, thinking about you. Now I have
just so much more to think about. Like your abs.

I'm going to get something to eat now, and maybe check out my bike--if I
feel energetic I may go for a short ride before going back to bed.

Love you, Tom.
Talk to you in the morning.

your Oliver.

To : Oliver Kurland
From : Thomas Moorfield
Sent: Thursday May 22nd 9.49 am

Good morning!

Don't ask me why, but I'm scarily awake and chirpy for this hour of the
morning. Possibly the very large coffee and the sudden cancellation of this
morning's tutorial have something to do with that. [Um, yes - the tutorial I
didn't tell you about so you couldn't feel like you ought to tell me to
study for it - I did enough and now it's not till next week anyway] OK -
yes, so the fact I got up early to make a batch of brownies as an apology
for Becka and burnt the first batch so had them for breakfast with the
coffee ... the perky mood's not really that inexplicable, is it?

> Had a sleep, got some stuff sorted. Had a billion phone messages from
> Jess and Kerry. You'll love this--Peter found out I'm seeing someone in
> England and got all wound up about how long distance relationships don't work and
> told Kerry how serious I was--am--about you.

So your ex thinks he needs to get your friends in a tizzy about your new
relationship? Am I allowed to say that Peter's being a total arse? Because
that's the impression I'm getting. How on earth did he even find out? He
haunting the gossip network of your city looking for news of you?

> So Kerry flipped out, saying it wasn't going to work blah blah blah,

I'm trying really hard to see that as 'friend worrying about other friend'.

> then Jess jumped in and pretty much told him to fuck off, that I can deal
> with my own life, thank you very much.
>
> I love Jess. :-)

Um, yeah, she's definitely coming out of this on top of my list of your
friends known only by repute. ;)

> Anyway, part of me is pissed at Kerry for trying to control me, and part
> of me knows that he's just worried. Most of me is beyond angry with
> Peter--he has no right, you know?

Beyond none.

> All of me loves you.

Love you, too.

Sorry you had to go back and walk into this landmine. I'm imagining a bunch
of fairly awkward conversations. You need to vent, I'm right here love.

And there's at least one non-awkward phone call coming up today - that is if
we're still on for tonight?

> > Does it help to know that it's four weeks one day till you'll be
> > here again, building more memories? It really doesn't help as much as
> > you'd think, does it? Fuck it. You can't forget that you are loved, because
> > I'm here, loving you.
>
> It helps a bit, though. In the meantime I'll just concentrate on you and
> how you are and how I feel--and torture myself with the mental image of
> the look on your face when you come for me.

Gulp. Miss you.

Helping with the concentration: I'm stupidly awake, but not too bad, all
over. And how do you feel? Apart from really really good to touch?

> Oh, bought you a present--should be there on Saturday, if you have weekend
> mail delivery. >:-) Look for the discreet packaging.

Oh Christ! How badly do I need to make sure my housemates get no hint of
its existence? You know I haven't even started going through the URL's on
that list, right? Ohh, and I just sent Janet a note thanking her for the
presents; I left it nice and non-specific. It was only mildly
excruciatingly embarrassing. And *that* reminds me--did you get a chance to
drop the camera off?

> Miss you too, love. Rolled over to kiss you good morning when I woke up.
> Hated the empty bed.

Yeah. Going to sleep is - I miss you. Want to curl up with you, and I can't.
Extreme sap alert, but I can't help wishing you'd been able to stay at our
house, so that - well, you know. I know it's hardly practical, and that
hotel was really really *really* nice, but ... I didn't even think to steal
the shower gel.

> I know, I understand, I can't agree more. You and me? Just right. Fits,
> you know? And the others can deal with their own thoughts. Not our
> problem.

Yes. And yes. Love you.

> > > If I dream of you, they'll be sweet.
> >
> > You, lover, are a romantic.
>
> Yeah. :-) You knew that, though. :D

I like it. Lots.

> Eek! Did you get a hold of her? Was she way pissed? And lucky them,
> getting you to cook for them. They better appreciate it. ;-)

I did finally achieve contact. I think I got away by playing the 'but I'm a
bloke, so of course I'm an idiot' card. *Phew*. Although that girl has a
memory like an elephant. Apparently I'd already invited her over to dinner
tomorrow, because it's one of those 'you kept the kitchen clean' bribery
nights. Seeing as Ian has dropped heavy hints about looking forward to some
posh grub, I'd have to say she was right. I'm treating her to lunch and
brownies today as well. Actually leaving campus, going out for a proper
meal, catching up - all that stuff. If she pouts, you'll forgive me if I
buy her flowers, right? She said she did kind of panic, not knowing if I'd
been abducted by aliens or what, so I'm feeling not a little guilty.

> I think I'll be less than useful at the office tomorrow, but they're
> getting used to that. I spent the week before the trip working flat out and
> spending my down time staring into space, thinking about you. Now I have
> just so much more to think about. Like your abs.

Oliver! Point 1 - I'm trapped in a computer lab, and point 2 - really not
that worthy of thinking on.

And hey - you escaped without confessing! There is no way you earned your
beautiful lickable belly hitting the gym once or twice a week. What's your
secret, sexy man?

> I'm going to get something to eat now, and maybe check out my bike--if I
> feel energetic I may go for a short ride before going back to bed.

Hope you did - all that sitting cramped up on planes ...

I hit the park late last night, just flying through the dusk. I needed to
blow away the cobwebs, I guess. Must have been gone about two, three hours.
It was good. Makes me smile to think that maybe I've gotten you hooked too.
;)

I guess I should be making good use of this sudden attack of spare time.
I've got one more assessed essay to finish off, a handful of seminars and
two tutorials, and then that's basically it for full time education. No
fair! Four weeks sounds like forever when it's how long until I can hold
you again, and no time at all when it's weeks until finals.

OK, I'm going to hit the books. I'll check back for mail in your morning.

Love you.

Yours.

T
************************
"God-like aliens...man do I hate God-like aliens! I'll trade a critter for a
God-like alien any day!"

To: Thomas Moorfield
From: Oliver Kurland
Sent: Thursday May 22nd 9:06 am

> Good morning!

Good morning, lover!

> Don't ask me why, but I'm scarily awake and chirpy for this hour of the
> morning. Possibly the very large coffee and the sudden cancellation of
> this morning's tutorial have something to do with that. [Um, yes - the
> tutorial I didn't tell you about so you couldn't feel like you ought to
> tell me to study for it - I did enough and now it's not till next week anyway]

This is me with my stern face.

This is me admitting that I would have done the same thing. But don't do
that again--I hate thinking about you screwing off school.

> OK - yes, so the fact I got up early to make a batch of brownies as an
> apology for Becka and burnt the first batch so had them for breakfast with the
> coffee ... the perky mood's not really that inexplicable, is it?

Mmmmmm sugar. *watches bouncy Tom with appreciation*

> > Had a sleep, got some stuff sorted. Had a billion phone messages from
> > Jess and Kerry. You'll love this--Peter found out I'm seeing someone in
> > England and got all wound up about how long distance relationships
> > don't work and told Kerry how serious I was--am--about you.
>
> So your ex thinks he needs to get your friends in a tizzy about your new
> relationship?

Yeah.

> Am I allowed to say that Peter's being a total arse?

Yeah.

> Because that's the impression I'm getting. How on earth did he even find
> out? He haunting the gossip network of your city looking for news of you?

Umm. That's probably my fault. And I kinda think you're going to be less
than impressed with me.

Back when I was with Peter I started an online journal--sort of a way for me
to write up what happened in my day while I was travelling and Peter could
read it, make comments, whatever. He wasn't fond of e-mail, and it was new
and nifty. I think I used it three times before we broke up, and then it
turned into sort of a chronicle of my life while we split, and getting over
him. I stopped using it for a while, but I guess he's been keeping
tabs--'cause as soon as I started writing about you, he started calling
people.

Um. I'm still using it. I'll stop if you want me to. I'll give you the
link if you want me to.

I'm sorry I didn't say anything sooner, Tom.

> Sorry you had to go back and walk into this landmine. I'm
> imagining a bunch of fairly awkward conversations. You need to vent, I'm
> right here love.

I'm waiting for the fall out--I talked to Jess and she was sweet, but Kerry
was kind of cold on the phone.  I'm thinking he's going to talk to Peter and
follow his lead. He was always closer to Peter, always thought Peter's
cheating on me was something to be excused.

> And there's at least one non-awkward phone call coming up today -
> that is if we're still on for tonight?

Oh fuck, yes. Not a chance I'm giving up a phone call with you. Want me to
call, or do you want to do the calling?

> > It helps a bit, though. In the meantime I'll just concentrate
> > on you and how you are and how I feel--and torture myself with the
> > mental image of the look on your face when you come for me.
>
> Gulp. Miss you.

Miss you, too. Missed you this morning. Twice.

> Helping with the concentration: I'm stupidly awake, but not too bad, all
> over. And how do you feel? Apart from really really good to touch?

Feeling slightly jet lagged, mostly happy 'cause I'm 'talking' to you, and
really like I could use a hug and kiss from you.

> > Oh, bought you a present--should be there on Saturday, if you
> > have weekend mail delivery. >:-) Look for the discreet packaging.
>
> Oh Christ! How badly do I need to make sure my housemates get no hint of
> its existence?

Very. :D

> You know I haven't even started going through the URL's on
> that list, right? Ohh - and I just sent Janet a note thanking her for the
> presents. I left it nice and non-specific. It was only mildly
> excruciatingly embarrassing. And *that* reminds me - did you get a
> chance to drop the camera off?

Ack! She's not in the office yet, I can't wait for this. :P And yes,
dropped off the camera, will pick up the prints on my way home tonight.

> > Miss you too, love. Rolled over to kiss you good morning when
> > I woke up. Hated the empty bed.
>
> Yeah. Going to sleep is - I miss you. Want to curl up with you,
> and I can't. Extreme sap alert, but I can't help wishing you'd been able
> to stay at our house, so that - well - you know.

Yeah. I know.

I have a t-shirt that smells like you. I'm not washing it. How's that for
sap?

> I know it's hardly practical, and that hotel was really really *really*
> nice, but ... I didn't even think to steal the shower gel.

Damn, knew I forgot something.

> > Eek! Did you get a hold of her? Was she way pissed? And lucky them,
> > getting you to cook for them. They better appreciate it. ;-)
>
> I did finally achieve contact. I think I got away by playing the
> 'but I'm a bloke, so of course I'm an idiot' card. *Phew*.

LOL!

> Although that girl has a memory like an elephant. Apparently I'd already
> invited her over to dinner tomorrow, because it's one of those 'you kept
> the kitchen clean' bribery nights. Seeing as Ian has dropped heavy hints about looking
> forward to some posh grub, I'd have to say she was right.

Lucky them. Next time, I'm finding you a kitchen.

> If she pouts, you'll forgive me if I buy her flowers, right? She said
> she did kind of panic, not knowing if I'd been abducted by aliens or what,
> so I'm feeling not a little guilty.

Yeah, buy her flowers, love. No kissing though. :P

> > I think I'll be less than useful at the office tomorrow, but they're
> > getting used to that. I spent the week before the trip working flat out
> > and spending my down time staring into space, thinking about you.
> > Now I have just so much more to think about. Like your abs.
>
> Oliver! Point 1 - I'm trapped in a computer lab

Heeeee!

> and point 2 - really not that worthy of thinking on.

Shut up. You're beautiful and sexy and I want you so bad. Make me ache.

> And hey,  you escaped without confessing! There is no way you earned your
> beautiful lickable belly hitting the gym once or twice a week. What's your secret,
> sexy man?

Ha! You're looking in the mirror, twit.

And the abs are hours of sit ups trying to work out sexual frustration.
Thus the no sit ups in London. :-)

> > I'm going to get something to eat now, and maybe check out my bike--if I
> > feel energetic I may go for a short ride before going back to bed.
>
> Hope you did - all that sitting cramped up on planes ...

Did, actually, only an hour or so though, and all flat surface. But it was
nice. :-)

> I guess I should be making good use of this sudden attack of spare time.
> I've got one more assessed essay to finish off, a handful of seminars and
> two tutorials, and then that's basically it for full time education. No
> fair! Four weeks sounds like forever when it's how long until I can hold
> you again, and no time at all when it's weeks until finals.

Eeek! Go work!

> OK,  I'm going to hit the books : I'll check back for mail in
> your morning.

Here it is, lover.

Love you. Want you. Need you.

Off to meetings, back at lunch time.

your Oliver

To: Oliver Kurland
From: Thomas Moorfield
Sent: Thursday May 22nd 4.40pm

Good afternoon, you. ;)

> This is me admitting that I would have done the same thing. But don't do
> that again--I hate thinking about you screwing off school.

Well, not much left to skive off really. By the time you're here next and
the temptation is strong I'll be at that point where if I don't know it
already I'm deeply deeply screwed and there's no point worrying, you know?
You can test me on my three pages of condensed summary notes if that will
assuage your guilt. Um. Always assuming I get that organised.

Are you [were you? Does this sort of thing carry into real life?  I can't decide]
the sort of person who has revision plans and notes and coloured
pens, or a bit more free-form?

> > OK - yes, so the fact I got up early to make a batch of brownies as an
> > apology for Becka and burnt the first batch so had them for breakfast with the
> > coffee ... the perky mood's not really that inexplicable, is it?
>
> Mmmmmm sugar. *watches bouncy Tom with appreciation*

This is me smirking. I am going to crash like a ton of bricks at some point.
Some point *after* you phone me. No morning classes tomorrow and I have
every intention of sleeping in.

> > So your ex thinks he needs to get your friends in a tizzy about your new
> > relationship?
>
> Yeah.
>
> > Am I allowed to say that Peter's being a total arse?
>
> Yeah.

Good, he's being a total wanker, and utterly out of line. Would that I
could ride in like a white knight and knock some sense into him.

> > Because that's the impression I'm getting. How on earth did he even
> > find out? He haunting the gossip network of your city looking for news of you?
>
> Umm. That's probably my fault. And I kinda think you're going to be less
> than impressed with me.
>
> Back when I was with Peter I started an online journal--sort of a way for
> me to write up what happened in my day while I was travelling and Peter could
> read it, make comments, whatever. He wasn't fond of e-mail, and it was
> new and nifty. I think I used it three times before we broke up, and then it
> turned into sort of a chronicle of my life while we split, and getting
> over him. I stopped using it for a while, but I guess he's been keeping
> tabs--'cause as soon as I started writing about you, he started calling
> people.
>
> Um. I'm still using it. I'll stop if you want me to. I'll give you the
> link if you want me to.

Um. Ok. Having a moment of weird. What sort of things? Online as in 'open to
the whole wide world'? I'm going to assume you're not writing anything
that'll come up if an employer googles my name, or that's going to get me
stalked ...

I feel really uncomfortable that you'd think I'd be able to tell you to
stop - if that makes sense. Kinda curious why you never mentioned it - like
if you wanted me to read it you'd have brought it up, so I'm figuring that
maybe you want somewhere to record your thoughts that's private - except
obviously not, because public - but that doesn't mean you want me to read
it...

Your call.

Do you want me to read it?

Not do you think you should give me the option, but do you *want* me to.

> I'm sorry I didn't say anything sooner, Tom.

See here's the weird - I'm not sure what you're sorry for.

I don't think I'm pissed off or anything - just a little weirded out.

> > Sorry you had to go back and walk into this landmine. I'm
> > imagining a bunch of fairly awkward conversations. You need to vent,
> > I'm right here love.
>
> I'm waiting for the fall out--I talked to Jess and she was sweet, but
> Kerry was kind of cold on the phone--I'm thinking he's going to talk to Peter
> and follow his lead. He was always closer to Peter, always thought Peter's
> cheating on me was something to be excused.

Excuse me if this is something you don't need to hear, but - there *is* no
excuse. He was walking around the apartment naked and accidentally slipped
and fell into this guy?!

> > And there's at least one non-awkward phone call coming up today -
> > that is if we're still on for tonight?
>
> Oh fuck, yes. Not a chance I'm giving up a phone call with you. Want me
> to call, or do you want to do the calling?

Call me? I'm going to head home and dump my folders after I send this, and
then head out for a ride for an hour or so before I cook a late dinner, so
I'll be home before you would be.

> Miss you, too. Missed you this morning. Twice.

And today's euphemism du jour ....

> Feeling slightly jet lagged, mostly happy 'cause I'm 'talking' to you, and
> really like I could use a hug and kiss from you.

This would be me coming up behind your office chair, sliding my arms around
your shoulders, and dropping a kiss on your temple.

Miss you, love. In the non euphemistic sense.

> > > Oh, bought you a present--should be there on Saturday, if you
> > > have weekend mail delivery. >:-) Look for the discreet packaging.
> >
> > Oh Christ! How badly do I need to make sure my housemates get no hint
> > of it's existence?
>
> Very. :D

Right, so up early to ambush the postman it is. You confident about the
plainness of the plain brown wrapping?

Also: thank you. :)

> > You know I haven't even started going through the URL's on
> > that list, right? Ohh - and I just sent Janet a note thanking her for
> > the presents. I left it nice and non-specific. It was only mildly
> > excruciatingly embarrassing. And *that* reminds me - did you get a
> > chance to drop the camera off?
>
> Ack! She's not in the office yet, I can't wait for this. :P

No email from her, what happened?

> And yes, dropped off the camera, will pick up the prints on my way home tonight.

Cool.

> I have a t-shirt that smells like you. I'm not washing it. How's that
> for sap?

9/10

I love you, and I'm stealing something from your wardrobe next time.

> > I know it's hardly practical, and that hotel was really really *really*
> > nice, but ... I didn't even think to steal the shower gel.
>
> Damn, knew I forgot something.

;P Not just for general kleptomania - because it would smell like
showering with you. Pest.

> > I did finally achieve contact. I think I got away by playing the
> > 'but I'm a bloke, so of course I'm an idiot' card. *Phew*.
>
> LOL!

Hey - it worked!

> Lucky them. Next time, I'm finding you a kitchen.

Your personal chef awaits your pleasure. [Nothing I can cook can possibly
live up to this kind of anticipation. I may have to set the kitchen on fire
or something.]

> Yeah, buy her flowers, love. No kissing though. :P

Ewww - Becka's a *friend*, that would be - just eww. Girl cooties!

Lunch was good though. I mean, really good. She says hi, by the way. And
thank you for making me grin. Apparently I was being even cuter now I've met
you properly. I don't *think* I rolled my eyes ...

> > Oliver! Point 1 - I'm trapped in a computer lab
>
> Heeeee!

Evil man.

> > and point 2 - really not that worthy of thinking on.
>
> Shut up. You're beautiful and sexy and I want you so bad. Make me ache.

Ok - see this is where I *would* just delete it and scurry past without
comment, but ... thank you.

> > And hey - you escaped without confessing! There is no way you earned
> > your beautiful lickable belly hitting the gym once or twice a week.
> > What's your secret, sexy man?
>
> Ha! You're looking in the mirror, twit.

Prat. ;P

> And the abs are hours of sit ups trying to work out sexual frustration.
> Thus the no sit ups in London. :-)

Other kinds of workout instead. OK, so you're making me grin in a way that
probably looks really suspicious to anyone who's watching me. Love you.
Want you. Guess now would be the time to start doing sit-ups ...

> Did, actually, only an hour or so though, and all flat surface. But it
> was nice. :-)

Cool. See, I did warn you it was addictive.

OK, Oliver, love. I'm going to head home and ride, and then settle in with a
nice pile of politics books to await your phone call.

Love you.

Yours.

T
 ************************
"God-like aliens...man do I hate God-like aliens! I'll trade a critter for a
God-like alien any day!"

To: Thomas Moorfield
From: Oliver Kurland
Sent: Thursday May 22nd 12:58pm

Hey love,

> Well, not much left to skive off really. By the time you're
> here next and the temptation is strong I'll be at that point where if I
> don't know it already I'm deeply deeply screwed and there's no
> point worrying, you know? You can test me on my three pages of
> condensed summary notes if that will assuage your guilt. Um. Always
> assuming I get that organised.
>
> Are you [were you? Does this sort of thing carry into real life? I can't
> decided] the sort of person who has revision plans and notes and coloured
> pens, or a bit more free-form?

I was so free form I faked my way. :P Nah, I was really good about note
taking and making sure I had everything right there, but I slacked off on
the time spent studying. Too much organising, not enough reading.

> > Mmmmmm sugar. *watches bouncy Tom with appreciation*
>
> This is me smirking. I am going to crash like a ton of bricks at
> some point. Some point *after* you phone me. No morning classes tomorrow
> and I have every intention of sleeping in.

You do that. I intend to give you good dreams.

> > > Because that's the impression I'm getting. How on earth did he even
> > > find out? He haunting the gossip network of your city looking for news
> > > of you?
> >
> > Umm. That's probably my fault. And I kinda think you're going
> > to be less than impressed with me.

<<Stuff deleted about the journal>>

> > Um. I'm still using it. I'll stop if you want me to. I'll
> > give you the link if you want me to.
>
> Um. Ok. Having a moment of weird. What sort of things?

At first it was self pity. Then I posted just after the first time I
e-mailed you. And then it evolved into a place where I could really just
say what I was feeling about you.  Remember, I was too scared to tell you I
love you until we'd seen each other. But my excitement about you, about our
relationship, about how happy I am...it's all there.

> Online as in 'open to the whole wide world'?

Yes.

> I'm going to assume you're not writing anything that'll come up if an
> employer googles my name, or that's going to get me stalked ...

God, no. I don't use your full name or anything other than London for a
place. There's a lot of Tom's in London. My own full name isn't even
associated with it.

> I feel really uncomfortable that you'd think I'd be able to tell you to
> stop - if that makes sense. Kinda curious why you never mentioned
> it - like if you wanted me to read it you'd have brought it up, so I'm
> figuring that maybe you want somewhere to record your thoughts that's
> private - except obviously not, because public - but that doesn't mean
> you want me to read it...

I didn't tell you because I was writing about how much I feel for you.
That's the only reason. I didn't want to overwhelm you and come off all
stalkery and over the top--it was a place where I could gush and then calm
down.

Now I gush all over you.

> Your call.
>
> Do you want me to read it?
>
> Not do you think you should give me the option, but do you *want* me to.

Yes. And then you can see how long I've been thinking of you as my lover.
As part of me.
http://www.livejournal.com/users/travelling_man/

> > I'm sorry I didn't say anything sooner, Tom.
>
> See, here's the weird - I'm not sure what you're sorry for.
>
> I don't think I'm pissed off or anything - just a little weirded out.

I guess I'm sorry because I *have* been hiding it from you, even though all
I was hiding was how much I love you.

I don't like hiding things from you.

> > Kerry was kind of cold on the phone--I'm thinking he's going to talk to
> > Peter and follow his lead. He was always closer to Peter, always thought
> > Peter's cheating on me was something to be excused.
>
> Excuse me if this is something you don't need to hear, but - there *is* no
> excuse. He was walking around the apartment naked and
> accidentally slipped and fell into this guy?!

Okay, that made me laugh, long and hard. You're right, of course. I know
that Peter was wrong. Kerry just seems to think that it was understandable.

I don't. Thus with the throwing out of Peter.

> > Oh fuck, yes. Not a chance I'm giving up a phone call with
> > you. Want me to call, or do you want to do the calling?
>
> Call me? I'm going to head home and dump my folders after I send
> this, and then head out for a ride for an hour or so before I cook a late
> dinner, so I'll be home before you would be.

Will do, lover.

> > Miss you, too. Missed you this morning. Twice.
>
> And today's euphemism du jour ....

:D It was good. First time was in bed, the second was in the shower.

> This would be me coming up behind your office chair, sliding my
> arms around your shoulders, and dropping a kiss on your temple.

Oh, thank you, love. This is me, sliding an arm around your waist and
kissing the tip of your nose.

> Miss you, love. In the non euphemistic sense.

Miss you, too. Lots. Can't wait to talk to you in...six hours.

> Right, so up early to ambush the postman it is. You confident about the
> plainness of the plain brown wrapping?
>
> Also: thank you. :)

Uh huh. The stuff I got from them came *very* discreetly wrapped. No
business name, just an address.

And you can thank me when you try it out. >:-)

> > > You know I haven't even started going through the URL's on
> > > that list, right? Ohh, and I just sent Janet a note thanking her for
> > > the presents. I left it nice and non-specific. It was only mildly
> > > excruciatingly embarrassing. And *that* reminds me - did you get a
> > > chance to drop the camera off?
> >
> > Ack! She's not in the office yet, I can't wait for this. :P
>
> No email from her, what happened?

She had a doctor's thing and hasn't made it in yet. She'll be in this
afternoon.

> I love you, and I'm stealing something from your wardrobe next time.

Heeeeee! Now, why didn't I think of that?

> > Lucky them. Next time, I'm finding you a kitchen.
>
> Your personal chef awaits your pleasure. [nothing I can cook can possibly
> live up to this kind of anticipation. I may have to set the
> kitchen on fire or something.]

Don't be silly. You could make me peanut butter and honey sandwiches and
that would be grand.

> Lunch was good though. I mean, really good. She says hi by the way. And
> thank you for making me grin. Apparently I was being even cuter
> now I've met you properly. I don't *think* I rolled my eyes ...

LOL! Tell her I said hi, back. :-)

> > > Oliver! Point 1 - I'm trapped in a computer lab
> >
> > Heeeee!
>
> Evil man.

Yes.

> > > And hey - you escaped without confessing! There is no way you earned
> > > your beautiful lickable belly hitting the gym once or twice a week -
> > > what's your secret, sexy man?
> >
> > Ha! You're looking in the mirror, twit.
>
> Prat. ;P
> >
> > And the abs are hours of sit ups trying to work out sexual frustration.
> > Thus the no sit ups in London. :-)
>
> Other kinds of workout instead. OK so you're making me grin in a way that
> probably looks really suspicious to anyone who's watching me. Love you.
> Want you. Guess now would be the time to start doing sit-ups ...

Yeah, sit ups will be happening here soon. Very soon. When I can leave my
desk without embarrassing myself.

Okay, meeting, debrief, then pick up pictures and groceries and head home to
call you.

God, I love you.

Your Oliver

To: Oliver Kurland
From: Thomas Moorfield
Sent: Friday May 23rd 10:08am

Good morning, sexy, beautiful, wonderful you.

I think I'm being pretty much mood-swing boy, but this moment right now:
love you, so much. Making me smile, thinking about you, thinking about
talking with you and dreaming about you, thinking about you opening this up
in your morning and hopefully finding a smile on your face.

Not that the caring about you is subject to mood swings. Best I can say from
the data period available, the loving you is pretty much a permanent
feature.

Thank you so much for last night. So good to hear your voice. Good to
be able to talk to you and let you hear how not-mad I am with you, how much
I miss you, and how much I pretty much don't care because there's a you to
miss.

> You do that. I intend to give you good dreams.

You gave me wonderful dreams, that had you in them. Part of me can't
believe you insisted on staying on the line till I was practically asleep.
At the risk of repetition, you are such a romantic. Confession time. I
might have cried a little after we hung up. Just missing you felt so *big*.
And then... yeah, fuzzy sappy happy dreams, and did I mention the mood
swings?

> > Your call.
> >
> > Do you want me to read it?
> >
> > Not do you think you should give me the option, but do you *want* me to.
>
> Yes. And then you can see how long I've been thinking of you as my lover.
> As part of me.
> http://www.livejournal.com/users/travelling_man/

I'm going to go read this in a moment. I'm just sitting here in that syrupy
sunlight and...want to love on you before I deal with any more input,
basically. Just you, in my head, at this moment.

> I guess I'm sorry because I *have* been hiding it from you, even though
> all I was hiding was how much I love you.
>
> I don't like hiding things from you.

Hurray for phone calls, lover. We get this straightened out, ok? Don't want
you feeling badly for no good reason.

> Oh, thank you, love. This is me, sliding an arm around your waist and
> kissing the tip of your nose.

Mmmmm.

And this would be me trying to catch your mouth to kiss you back.

> And you can thank me when you try it out. >:-)

You're not going to tell me what it is, are you?

> Don't be silly. You could make me peanut butter and honey sandwiches and
> that would be grand.

Thought it was PBJ's for you heathen yanks?

> > Lunch was good though. I mean, really good. She says hi by the way.
> > And thank you for making me grin. Apparently I was being even cuter
> > now I've met you properly. I don't *think* I rolled my eyes ...
>
> LOL! Tell her I said hi, back. :-)

You didn't say - how has the greater Boston gossip network taken to the news
of your triumphant return? Still no email from Janet, btw. You must have
been keeping her busy with actual work. There have to be a couple of
innocent photos on that film you can show her, right? Ian's been going on
about the wonders of digital cameras and, well, lets just say I wasn't
thinking about photographing the animals at the zoo.

Um - I think that suppressed exam panic is starting to escape, now I've got
nothing else to focus on. I'll be handing in my last assessed essay this
afternoon, and it's short and easy and mostly written, so no stress there.
It's just - well, that's it.

I hand this in, and I've got no more essays to write or seminars to
research, just revision and final lectures and a few revision sections, and
then in five and a bit weeks, my finals.

Suddenly seems very very close and very very real. Hell, you'll have been
and gone again between now and then, and the four weeks till you get here
seems like forever, so my panic has a sort of temporal schizophrenia angle
to play with too.

OK, there's no point panicking. Panicking achieves nothing.

Getting coffee and reading your journal are more important than panicking,
and then finishing off "Cultural sensitivity and the melting pot: discuss'
will fill my time admirably for the rest of the day ...

Oliver? I love you. Yours.

T.
************************
"God-like aliens...man do I hate God-like aliens! I'll trade a critter for a
God-like alien any day!"

To: Oliver Kurland
From: Thomas Moorfield
Sent: Friday May 23rd10:58am

I love you.

I think everything I want to say boils down to: I love you.

Started at the beginning, never thought I was really the jealous type, but -
God, Oliver - love you so much. Weird seeing you write that to someone else:
like that little bubble of feeling caught in amber. Same for the hurt -
makes me want to come over all cave man and growl and kick at anyone who
could hurt you like that. If--no, when I come out to Boston to visit? I do
*not* promise to be polite if we run into Peter.

I'm sorry you had to go through that.

Makes me want to promise over and over again that that's just never going to
happen again. Will not.

Miss you hard right now. Want to just hold you, tell you over and over
again. Want to thank you for every one of those terrifying chances you took
that means I can be sitting here now remembering how you feel in my arms,
wishing I could whisper I love you against your skin.

You're right though - my choice. This is what I want - you are who I want
to be with. The distance thing...well, I think maybe I'm starting to get a
handle on why you worried that it would be too much, too hard, but Oliver,
love, there's nothing that's going to stop me caring about you. Not worried
friends, not a few hundred miles, none of that.

Part of me wishes I had something like that to share with you.

Part of me is weirded out by all these strangers congratulating you and
teasing for details about what we did. So glad I can make you fly, lover,
but can you say 'blushing' while I was reading that? I thought so.

Part of me is really glad that you have these friends? interested readers?
what ever the term is - these people rooting for you, especially when some
of your closer-to-home friends seem to have an agenda of their own going
on.

Whatever else, I love you.

Your Tom.

To: Thomas Moorfield
From: Oliver Kurland
Sent: Friday May 23rd 9:32am

> I love you.

I love you, too.

Going to cut and paste, love, answer both at once. But first--was amazing
to talk to you last night. To hear your voice, to feel so close again.
God, I love you.

> Started at the beginning - never thought I was really the jealous
> type, but, God, Oliver - love you so much. Weird seeing you write
> that to someone else: like that little bubble of feeling caught in amber.
> Same for the hurt - makes me want to come over all cave man and
> growl and kick at anyone who could hurt you like that. If.--no, when
> I come out to Boston to visit? I do *not* promise to be polite if we
> run into Peter.

It must have been weird for you, those first few posts, when I was talking
about wanting him. And breaking up, what he did...well, that's why I kept
those entries, so I couldn't fool myself about how much it hurt.

Trust me, love--you meet him and you don't even have to pretend to be
polite. I never do. :-)

> Makes me want to promise over and over again that that's just
> never going to happen again. Will not.

I know it won't, Tom.

> Miss you hard right now. Want to just hold you, tell you over and over
> again. Want to thank you for every one of those terrifying
> chances you took that means I can be sitting here now remembering
> how you feel in my arms, wishing I could whisper I love you against your
> skin.

The fact that you have something to remember, the fact that you love me, is
all the thank you I need.

> You're right though - my choice. This is what I want - you are who I want
> to be with. The distance thing...well, I think maybe I'm starting to get a
> handle on why you worried that it would be too much, too hard, but Oliver,
> love, there's nothing that's going to stop me caring about you.
> Not worried friends, not a few hundred miles, none of that.

Love you so much.

> Part of me wishes I had something like that to share with you.

Don't need it, love. I have you.

> Part of me is weirded out by all these strangers congratulating you and
> teasing for details about what we did. So glad I can make you fly, lover,
> but can you say 'blushing' while I was reading that? I thought so.

Meep. Yeah, I guess I could have toned that down a lot. *blush*

> Part of me is really glad that you have these friends? interested readers?
> what ever the term is - these people rooting for you, especially when some
> of your closer-to-home friends seem to have an agenda of their own going
> on.

It's just kind of cool that total strangers are happy we're happy. Makes me
grin every time one of them cheers. :D

> Whatever else, I love you.

I know it. And I love you.

> I think I'm being pretty much mood-swing boy, but this moment right now:
> love you, so much. Making me smile, thinking about you, thinking about
> talking with you and dreaming about you, thinking about you
> opening this up in your morning and hopefully finding a smile on your
> face.

Trust me, I always smile when I see your name. Even more when I'm only ten
hours off hearing your voice.

You dreamed about me? Cool. I dreamed about you, too...

> Not that the caring about you is subject to mood swings. Best I
> can say from the data period available, the loving you is pretty much a
> permanent feature.

Yay!!! *Beam*

> Thank you so much for last night. So good to hear your voice. Good to
> be able to talk to you and let you hear how not-mad I am with
> you, how much I miss you, and how much I pretty much don't care because
> there's a you to miss.

I was so glad we talked about it, and that you really understood why I
didn't tell you sooner; honestly, I knew you wouldn't be *angry* angry, but
I would have understood if you were hurt, or felt like I was hiding
something.

> > You do that. I intend to give you good dreams.
>
> You gave me wonderful dreams, that had you in them. Part of me can't
> believe you insisted on staying on the line till I was practically asleep.
> At the risk of repetition, you are such a romantic. Confession time. I
> might have cried a little after we hung up. Just missing you felt
> so *big*. And then - yeah - fuzzy sappy happy dreams, and did I mention
> the mood swings?

You mentioned them, yeah. :-) Glad you went to sleep more or less happy
though, despite the tears, and I think you are as much a romantic as I am,
love. Admit it. I love that about you.

> > And you can thank me when you try it out. >:-)
>
> You're not going to tell me what it is, are you?

Nope. But it's something we talked about....

*Evil grin*

> > Don't be silly. You could make me peanut butter and honey
> > sandwiches and that would be grand.
>
> Thought it was PBJ's for you heathen yanks?

For most, yeah. But I like the sweet. :-)

> You didn't say - how has the greater Boston gossip network taken
> to the news of your triumphant return? Still no email from Janet, btw.
> You must have been keeping her busy with actual work. There have to be a
> couple of innocent photos on that film you can show her, right? Ian's been going on
> about the wonders of digital cameras and, well, lets just say I wasn't
> thinking about photographing the animals at the zoo.

Ohhhh digital camera! Pictures of naked Tom, timed pictures of us
doing...well. Maybe that's something I can think about outside of office
hours.

Janet hasn't said a word to me, she was running around yesterday afternoon
like mad. She's here now though, and I keep expecting her to pop in and
grill me.

I spoke to Jess, and she's all eager to go to lunch this weekend and hear
all about you. Kerry and Tim are out of town, I think--at least, Ker's not
answering his phone, and Tim usually gets back to me. I'll let you know how
that plays out.

Needless to say, I've not heard a word from Peter.

> Um - I think that suppressed exam panic is starting to escape,
> now I've got nothing else to focus on. I'll be handing in my last
> assessed essay this afternoon - and it's short and easy and mostly
> written, so no stress there. It's just - well, that's it.
>
> I hand this in, and I've got no more essays to write or seminars to
> research, just revision and final lectures and a few revision
> sections, and then in five and a bit weeks, my finals.
>
> Suddenly seems very very close and very very real. Hell,
> you'll have been and gone again between now and then, and the four
> weeks till you get here seems like forever, so my panic has a sort of
> temporal schizophrenia angle to play with too.
>
> OK, there's no point panicking. Panicking achieves nothing.

*Pet pet* What can I do to help? Man, exams used to freak me out--if you
want to go back to one e-mail a day that's cool. I'll miss you like crazy,
but once these exams are done things will even out.

And way off topic, how's your mom?

> Getting coffee and reading your journal are more important than panicking,
> and then finishing off "Cultural sensitivity and the melting pot: discuss' will fill
> my time admirably for the rest of the day ...

Eek! If reading my journal was the light portion of your day I think you
are in serious need of something relaxing. Like a massage. I can do that,
you know. We can keep track of all the rub downs you are owed and when I
get to London I can make sure you get them all.

And there's a thought that isn't going to help me work.

Want to touch you, Tom. Want to feel you next to me, want to taste you.
Want to lick your neck and run my hands over your back as we move
together....

Love you,

Your Oliver

To: Thomas Moorfield
From: Janet
Sent: Friday May 23rd 10:03am

Hi Tom,

Glad the gifts were put to good use--Oliver smells like raspberry, and he
won't show me any pictures. I can tell you, though, that he's grinning like
a fool and his work is full of smiley faces.

Makes me think I should shop overseas for my next boyfriend.

Janet

To: Oliver Kurland
From: Thomas Moorfield
Sent: Friday May 23rd 4.57pm

> Going to cut and paste, love, answer both at once. But first--was amazing
> to talk to you last night. To hear your voice, to feel so close again.
> God, I love you.

Just - love you too, Oliver. So much.

> Trust me, love--you meet him and you don't even have to pretend to be
> polite. I never do. :-)

Good, politeness is wasted on some people. You can be as rude as you like
to Kay, by the way.

> The fact that you have something to remember, the fact that you love me,
> is all the thank you I need.

We're getting revoltingly sappy, aren't we? Good job no one else is ever
going to see this. And you love me, right? That's got to put your sap
tolerance right up there ...

> > Part of me is weirded out by all these strangers congratulating you and
> > teasing for details about what we did. So glad I can make you fly,
> > lover, but can you say 'blushing' while I was reading that? I thought so.
>
> Meep. Yeah, I guess I could have toned that down a lot. *blush*

Hey - you want to tell the world at large that I'm a sex god, I'm going to -
actually I'm going to fail to keep a straight face while I write that, but
my ego's plenty happy.

> Trust me, I always smile when I see your name. Even more when I'm only
> ten hours off hearing your voice.

Yup, that sappy grin cycle we had going before is still working ;)

> > And then...yeah, fuzzy sappy happy dreams, and did I mention
> > the mood swings?
>
> You mentioned them, yeah. :-)

Um, sorry? Kinda tired and draggy and not overly looking forward to having
to run around town and the kitchen tonight right now.

> Glad you went to sleep more or less happy though, despite the tears, and I
> think you are as much a romantic as I am, love. Admit it. I love that about you.

Oliver, I've got something important to tell you.

I think I may have caught a case of romance.

Now I know this might come as a shock to you ....

I don't think I have half the flair you do for the perfect moment, but - I
try. I want you to know that you are loved and wanted.

> > > And you can thank me when you try it out. >:-)
> >
> > You're not going to tell me what it is, are you?
>
> Nope. But it's something we talked about....
>
> *Evil grin*

*Gulp*

The more I think about that the more it doesn't narrow it down... talked
about last night? Or this past week? Or ever?

> Ohhhh digital camera! Pictures of naked Tom, timed pictures of us
> doing...well. Maybe that's something I can think about outside of office
> hours.

There's some stuff I do not want to share with any developing lab ....

> Janet hasn't said a word to me, she was running around yesterday afternoon
> like mad. She's here now though, and I keep expecting her to pop in and
> grill me.

Um, got mail. I'll paste it on to the end of this. I have no clue how to
respond. Well - except blushing again.

> I spoke to Jess, and she's all eager to go to lunch this weekend and hear
> all about you. Kerry and Tim are out of town, I think--at least, Ker's
> not answering his phone, and Tim usually gets back to me. I'll let you know
> how that plays out.

Thank you. It bothers me that things with us are causing you stress with
your friends. I know it's not exactly cause and effect, but ... Love you.
Don't forget that.

> Needless to say, I've not heard a word from Peter.

You weren't expecting to, were you?

> > OK, there's no point panicking. Panicking achieves nothing.
>
> *Pet pet* What can I do to help? Man, exams used to freak me out--if you
> want to go back to one e-mail a day that's cool. I'll miss you like
> crazy, but once these exams are done things will even out.

I have no idea? Two of the papers are basically history. I know how to
revise for history papers. Relatively calm about those. Plus they're the
9th and the 14th, so a bit further away. Politics paper -again -
relatively confident that I know what I'm doing. Not that I know everything
yet, but at least I know how to revise - what the topics are, all that sort
of thing.

The two lit / culture papers and the linguistics and the law
module though .... dear god I wish I'd never taken that last module. I've
got a sinking feeling one of the questions is going to come back around to
'the pursuit of happiness' and what that *means* and Prof. Moody's a freaking
hippy ...

You detect the note of rising panic?

What can you do? You can put up with me panicking and stressing in your
direction? Or you could tell me to stop it before I royally piss you off, so
I don't have to stress about exams and my irritated lover?

I want to be emailing you. Lots. And hearing from you. Lots.

And moving beyond the purely selfish...cycling down here to check my mail
kinda pushes me into an actual routine, puts break points in my day. So it's
all good. If I spend a solid month locked up in the house with my notes I'll
go nuts!

> And way off topic, how's your mom?

God, am I a truly horrible son? She rang Wednesday and I totally forgot to
ring her back. When I get in. Will do.

I suck. I suck so bad.

> Eek! If reading my journal was the light portion of your day I think you
> are in serious need of something relaxing. Like a massage. I can do
> that, you know. We can keep track of all the rub downs you are owed and when I
> get to London I can make sure you get them all.

This is me melting into a puddle of happy under your hands.

I keep running in to other people in my department who are spazzing about
their exams, and two, so far, who think they've failed their dissertations,
and I think the stress is contagious. It's certainly pervasive. We take
half out exams in the second year [the third year is the year abroad] so
everyone in the department is gearing up for stress right now.

Sod. I just looked at the time. If I'm going to have time to pick up
ingredients and get dinner cooked before the rabble rise up and eat me
instead, I'm going to have to go. I'll be back tomorrow morning though,
Oliver love, and I never seem to stop thinking about you.

Love you

T.
************************
"God-like aliens...man do I hate God-like aliens! I'll trade a critter for a
God-like alien any day!"

> To: Thomas Moorfield
> From: Janet
> Sent: Friday, 10:03am
>
> Hi Tom,
>
> Glad the gifts were put to good use--Oliver smells like raspberry, and he
> won't show me any pictures. I can tell you, though, that he's grinning
> like a fool and his work is full of smiley faces.
>
> Makes me think I should shop overseas for my next boyfriend.
>
> Janet

To: Thomas Moorfield
From: Oliver Kurland
Sent: Friday May 23rd 9:54 pm

Hey, love,

> > Trust me, love--you meet him and you don't even have to pretend to be
> > polite. I never do. :-)
>
> Good, politeness is wasted on some people. You can be as rude as you like
> to Kay, by the way.

Oh good. We can growl at each others exs and be all happy together. Make
them sick. Or we could just not see either of them and be all happy
together. :-)

> > Meep. Yeah, I guess I could have toned that down a lot. *blush*
>
> Hey - you want to tell the world at large that I'm a sex god, I'm
> going to - actually I'm going to fail to keep a straight face while I
> write that, but my ego's plenty happy.

Oohhh you make me feel good, lover. Make my toes curl and my skin tingle.
Make me want to do unspeakable things right here in the living room. Which,
granted, is better than the office, but the curtains are open and I'm pretty
sure someone would see.

> > Glad you went to sleep more or less happy
> > though, despite the tears, and I think you are as much a
> > romantic as I am, love. Admit it. I love that about you.
>
> Oliver, I've got something important to tell you.
>
> I think I may have caught a case of romance.
>
> Now I know this might come as a shock to you ....

Heeeeeeee! Love you.

> I don't think I have half the flair you do for the perfect moment, but - I
> try. I want you to know that you are loved and wanted.

I know it, love. And I know you do, too. I could prove it again for you,
if you want. >;-)

> > Nope. But it's something we talked about....
> >
> > *Evil grin*
>
> *Gulp*
>
> The more I think about that the more it doesn't narrow it down... talked
> about last night? Or this past week? Or ever?

Talked about in the hotel when I was going over Janet's list. Just before
you got me all hard again and I had to drag you to the bed and make love to
you for the third time.

> > Ohhhh digital camera! Pictures of naked Tom, timed pictures of us
> > doing...well. Maybe that's something I can think about outside
> > of office hours.
>
> There's some stuff I do not want to share with any developing lab ....

And Oliver goes off to research digital cameras......

> > Janet hasn't said a word to me, she was running around
> > yesterday afternoon like mad. She's here now though, and I
> > keep expecting her to pop in and grill me.
>
> Um, got mail. I'll paste it on to the end of this. I have no clue how to
> respond. Well - except blushing again.

Oh man, she's a funny girl. And that was pretty mild for her. She finally
came in just as I was getting ready to leave and asked if at any point my
ass was sore.

> > I spoke to Jess, and she's all eager to go to lunch this
> > weekend and hear all about you. Kerry and Tim are out of
> > town, I think--at least, Ker's not answering his phone, and Tim
> > usually gets back to me. I'll let you know how that plays out.
>
> Thank you.
>
> > Needless to say, I've not heard a word from Peter.
>
> You weren't expecting to, were you?

Nah, not really. I wouldn't put it past him to post a comment in my
journal, but so far there's been radio silence.

Going to have lunch with Jess and Kim (her girlfriend) tomorrow, and then
shopping. They want details. >:-)

Got the pictures--I've been torturing Janet by not showing them to her, but
some of them are really great. I'll show Jess and Kim what you look like,
which should keep them busy for a bit--they like to figure out who people
remind them of.

> > *Pet pet* What can I do to help? Man, exams used to freak me
> > out--if you want to go back to one e-mail a day that's cool. I'll miss
> > you like crazy, but once these exams are done things will even out.
>
> I have no idea? Two of the papers are basically history. I know how to
> revise for history papers. Relatively calm about those. Plus they're the
> 9th and the 14th, so a bit further away. Politics paper -again -
> relatively confident that I know what I'm doing. Not that I know
> everything yet, but at least I know how to revise - what the topics are,
> all that sort of thing.
>
> The two lit / culture papers and the linguistics and the law
> module though .... dear god I wish I'd never taken that last module. I've
> got a sinking feeling one of the questions is going to come back around to
> 'the pursuit of happiness' and what that *means* and Prof. Moody's a
> freaking hippy ...
>
> You detect the note of rising panic?

Yeah, actually. ;-) You can do this, Tom. You and I both know it. Just
focus as best as you can, eat well, and make sure you ride every day. I'll be
here, happy to be a distraction and built in study break.

> > And way off topic, how's your mom?
>
> God, am I a truly horrible son? She rang Wednesday and I
> totally forgot to ring her back. When I get in. Will do. I suck. I suck so
> bad.

Oops. Call her when you can, and let me know how she's feeling, love.

> I keep running in to other people in my department who are spazzing about
> their exams, and two, so far, who think they've failed their
> dissertations, and I think the stress is contagious. It's certainly
> pervasive. We take half out exams in the second year [the third year is the
> year abroad] so everyone in the department is gearing up for stress right now.

Yikes, it sounds really intense. It will be done soon, I promise.

> Sod. I just looked at the time. If I'm going to have time to pick up
> ingredients and get dinner cooked before the rabble rise up and eat me
> instead, I'm going to have to go. I'll be back tomorrow morning though,
> Oliver love, and I never seem to stop thinking about you.

So, how did the dinner go? Did you blow them all away?

I went for a nice long ride and stopped in at the gym I climb at; there's a
rock climb date set for next weekend, so I signed up for that--need to get
some more experience if I'm not going to embarrass myself when we go. Other
than that, it's been a quiet night.

Maybe I should get a goldfish. But then I'd have to find someone to feed it
when I go away...hey, maybe if I got one for the office Janet would take
care of it when I travel. Hmm.

Love you.

I'm going to watch some TV and clean the kitchen, then go to bed. Probably
miss you there, too. Heeeeeee!

Watch for mail tomorrow, lover. Purrrrrrrr

Love you,

Your Oliver

To: Oliver Kurland
From: Thomas Moorfield
Sent: Saturday May 24th 12:48pm

Morning beautiful,

And before you ask, no the package didn't arrive yet.

Postman's been and gone and no box. [Box? I was assuming box. No post of any
description for me and only credit card statements for Mike, in fact.] Monday, I guess.

> Oh good. We can growl at each others exs and be all happy together. Make
> them sick. Or we could just not see either of them and be all happy
> together. :-)

That last sounds like a *real* good plan ;)

> Oohhh you make me feel good, lover. Make my toes curl and my skin tingle.

You do *know* what you do to me when you say things like that? Want to make
you see stars, love, want to make you fly.

> Make me want to do unspeakable things right here in the living room.
> Which, granted, is better than the office, but the curtains are open and I'm
> pretty sure someone would see.

Lucky someone.

> > I don't think I have half the flair you do for the perfect moment, but -
> > I try. I want you to know that you are loved and wanted.
>
> I know it, love. And I know you do, too. I could prove it again for you,
> if you want. >;-)

Always seem to want you.

> Talked about in the hotel when I was going over Janet's list. Just before
> you got me all hard again and I had to drag you to the bed and make love
> to you for the third time.

*Gulp*

That leaves the field pretty wide open, right? I was distracted at the time
by the close proximity of a naked Oliver, so I'm not entirely sure if I
remember every detail.

> > There's some stuff I do not want to share with any developing lab ....
>
> And Oliver goes off to research digital cameras......

I'm a bad influence, aren't I?

> Oh man, she's a funny girl. And that was pretty mild for her. She
> finally came in just as I was getting ready to leave and asked if at any point my
> ass was sore.

"Yes but there was plenty of other things to do." would be a bad thing to
say, right?

> Got the pictures--I've been torturing Janet by not showing them to her,
> but some of them are really great. I'll show Jess and Kim what you look like,
> which should keep them busy for a bit--they like to figure out who people
> remind them of.

Cool. Report back if they pick anyone? Say hi to Jess for me - feeling
pretty kindly disposed towards her for sticking up for you.

Can I beg for copies of some of the photos? In the post so I don't have to
wait a month? Begging and bribery?

> > You detect the note of rising panic?
>
> Yeah, actually. ;-) You can do this, Tom. You and I both know it. Just
> focus as best as you can, eat well, and make sure you ride every day. I'll
> be here, happy to be a distraction and built in study break.

You will tell me if I get annoying, right? Don't want to piss you off. I
imagine my life is shortly to get *very* dull and stressful and I doubt
that will make for entertaining reading.

> > > And way off topic, how's your mom?
>
> Oops. Call her when you can, and let me know how she's feeling, love.

Still haven't spoken to her - I rang a couple of times last night and kept
getting an engaged tone. I'm currently figuring that if it was anything to
dire they'd have rung me again, and Saturday morning's she has this
gardening club thing normally, so I'll try again when I get home. I'll let
you know.

This is me interrupting this email to give you a hug.

You're asking after my mum. I love you.

> Yikes, it sounds really intense. It will be done soon, I promise.

Too damn soon!

> So, how did the dinner go? Did you blow them all away?

Did pasta, 'cos it's quick, just a basic bolognaise, and then tried to kill
everyone with desert. Becka has told me I can go awol again so long as it
leads to ice cream and chocolate fudge cake. Um - in instalments. Because
the ice cream wasn't frozen in time, so we had dinner, and cake, and then
played monopoly for about four hours, and Ian is evil and cheats, and then
had the rest of the cake with the ice cream, and I *still* got up at 7.30 to
check for the postman ;P

The lads have promised to keep the kitchen decent in return for another next
week, and they even did the dishes. Becka pulled guest privilege on that
one. Girls! Guess that means I did ok. Next week, though, I'm getting
organised and not leaving everything till Friday evening. This is my resolve
face.

It's just a lot more fun if I'm not facing down the clock daring it to make
time pass.

Can't wait for me to be able to cook for you one day, something special.

> I went for a nice long ride and stopped in at the gym I climb at; there's
> a rock climb date set for next weekend, so I signed up for that--need to get
> some more experience if I'm not going to embarrass myself when we go.
> Other than that, it's been a quiet night.

Cool! Whereabouts are they taking you? Our first trip out's tomorrow - a
quickie run down to an old quarry in Sussex. It's not great scenery or
anything, but it's a good spot to give the first timer's a shot without
having to call out the mountain rescue squad. Um, given that it's been a
couple of weeks since I did anything either I shall be quietly grateful for
the easy start.

> Maybe I should get a goldfish. But then I'd have to find someone to feed
> it when I go away...hey, maybe if I got one for the office Janet would take
> care of it when I travel. Hmm.

You need a pet rock - or that imaginary puppy. Ohh - robo-pup!

OK, plans for today include laundry, cleaning my room, doing my turn
cleaning the bathroom, and other such exciting things. At least one decent
ride, probably this evening.

> I'm going to watch some TV and clean the kitchen, then go to bed.
> Probably miss you there, too. Heeeeeee!

Have fun? Love you. So much. Wish I could touch you, kiss you, taste you.
Horny git. Contagious horny git.

*Ahem*

Um, and sit ups. Apparently.

Love you

Yours.

T
****************
Once is an accident
Twice is jazz
****************

To: Thomas Moorfield
From: Oliver Kurland
Sent: Saturday May 24th, 3:36 pm

Hey, lover,

> And before you ask, no the package didn't arrive yet.
>
> Postman's been and gone and no box. [Box? I was assuming box. No
> post of any description for me and only credit card statements for Mike,
> in fact.] Monday, I guess.

Damn. And yeah, it'll be a box. Monday will be interesting then. >;-)

> > Oohhh you make me feel good, lover. Make my toes curl and my
> > skin tingle.
>
> You do *know* what you do to me when you say things like that?

I know what I *hope* it does. Why should I be the only one hard all the
time? Heeee!

> Want to make you see stars, love, want to make you fly.

You do. Trust me, you do. I hope I make you soar as well. Want to make
you cry out.

> > Make me want to do unspeakable things right here in the living room.
> > Which, granted, is better than the office, but the curtains are open and
> > I'm pretty sure someone would see.
>
> Lucky someone.

So, I'm thinking of getting a digital camera....

> > I know it, love. And I know you do, too. I could prove it
> > again for you, if you want. >;-)
>
> Always seem to want you.

I know that feeling. Want you all the time, too.

> > Talked about in the hotel when I was going over Janet's list.
> > Just before you got me all hard again and I had to drag you to the bed
> > and make love to you for the third time.
>
> *Gulp*
>
> That leaves the field pretty wide open, right? I was distracted
> at the time by the close proximity of a naked Oliver, so I'm not entirely
> sure if I remember every detail.

Well, let's see. We talked about cock rings, dildos, blindfolds and gags.
Just to refresh your memory.

> > > There's some stuff I do not want to share with any developing lab ....
> >
> > And Oliver goes off to research digital cameras......
>
> I'm a bad influence, aren't I?

Tell me not to, and I won't. But it could be fun.... a collection of
pictures just for us, without the agony of film....

> > Oh man, she's a funny girl. And that was pretty mild for her. She
> > finally came in just as I was getting ready to leave and asked if at
> > any point my ass was sore.
>
> "Yes but there was plenty of other things to do." would be a bad thing to
> say, right?

LOL!! I should have said that! I think what I actually did was blush and
stammer.

> > Got the pictures--I've been torturing Janet by not showing them to her,
> > but some of them are really great. I'll show Jess and Kim what you
> > look like, which should keep them busy for a bit--they like to figure
> > out who people remind them of.
>
> Cool. Report back if they pick anyone? Say hi to Jess for me - feeling
> pretty kindly disposed towards her for sticking up for you.

I did, she was pleased as hell. More about lunch in a bit. They didn't
come up with anyone, though--they did, however, agree that you are really
hot and sexy.

> Can I beg for copies of some of the photos? In the post so I don't have to
> wait a month? Begging and bribery?

You bet, love. Will drop them in the mail on Monday. Anything else you
want?

> You will tell me if I get annoying, right? Don't want to piss you off. I
> imagine my life is shortly to get *very* dull and stressful and I doubt
> that will make for entertaining reading.

If you were here I'd smack your ass. You aren't going to be annoying. If
it makes you feel better, I promise to tell you if I get annoyed. But it
isn't going to happen.

> > > > And way off topic, how's your mom?
> >
> > Oops. Call her when you can, and let me know how she's feeling, love.
>
> Still haven't spoken to her - I rang a couple of times last night and kept
> getting an engaged tone. I'm currently figuring that if it was anything to
> dire they'd have rung me again, and Saturday morning's she has this
> gardening club thing normally, so I'll try again when I get home.
> I'll let you know.

Please do.

> This is me interrupting this email to give you a hug.
>
> You're asking after my mum. I love you.

I love you, too. And I know how upset and worried you are--even if you did
get all distracted by a week of...well, of me.

> Did pasta, 'cos it's quick, just a basic bolognaise, and then
> tried to kill everyone with desert. Becka has told me I can go awol again
> so long as it leads to ice cream and chocolate fudge cake. Um - in instalments.
> Because the ice cream wasn't frozen in time, so we had dinner, and cake, and then
> played monopoly for about four hours, and Ian is evil and cheats, and then
> had the rest of the cake with the ice cream, and I *still* got up
> at 7.30 to check for the postman ;P

God, that sounds good. And fun. And good. I'm hungry all of a sudden.
Want to take you to bed then eat and then take you to bed again and fall
asleep.

> The lads have promised to keep the kitchen decent in return for
> another next week, and they even did the dishes. Becka pulled guest
> privilege on that one. Girls! Guess that means I did ok. Next week,
> though, I'm getting organised and not leaving everything till Friday evening.
> This is my resolve face.

Cute face! And yay on getting a clean kitchen!

> Can't wait for me to be able to cook for you one day, something special.

I want that. So very much.

> > I went for a nice long ride and stopped in at the gym I climb
> > at; there's a rock climb date set for next weekend, so I signed up for
> > that--need to get some more experience if I'm not going to embarrass
> > myself when we go. Other than that, it's been a quiet night.
>
> Cool! Whereabouts are they taking you?

We're going out to Crow Hill; looks like a good climb, lots of variety, and
not too far to travel.

> Our first trip out's tomorrow - a quickie run down to an old quarry in
> Sussex. It's not great scenery or anything, but it's a good spot to give the
> first timer's a shot without having to call out the mountain rescue squad.
> Um, given that it's been a couple of weeks since I did anything either I
> shall be quietly grateful for the easy start.

Is Toad going? ;-)

> You need a pet rock - or that imaginary puppy. Ohh - robo-pup!

Ohhhh! Maybe a cyber pet. Oh wait, that's you. *pets Tom.* *pets Tom
very nicely*

> OK, plans for today include laundry, cleaning my room, doing my turn
> cleaning the bathroom, and other such exciting things. At least
> one decent ride, probably this evening.

Heh. I don't have any cleaning done, but I had a good day. Woke up, took a
nice long ride, then met the girls for lunch. They were all squee-ish about
the pictures and Kim asked some really intense questions (well, not intense
for her, but probably for you--like if you top or bottom and how big your
cock is). They, at least, are happy I'm happy.

Jess says Kerry is...well, not angry, but upset. He thinks I'm making a
mistake and that I should never have started e-mailing you, let alone fallen
in love with someone so far away. Plus, he's been spending a lot of time
with Peter (they've always been close) and Jess says Peter's really laying
it on about how hard long distance is, and how he'd never have cheated on me
if I was home more. Peter's also telling everyone who will listen that he
still cares about me and that he's only concerned for my sake, not wanting
to see me hurt again.

And Peter's got a new boyfriend, apparently. A civil servant who (according
to Kim) looks suspiciously like me.

So, I'm thinking I'll stop calling Kerry.

> > I'm going to watch some TV and clean the kitchen, then go to bed.
> > Probably miss you there, too. Heeeeeee!
>
> Have fun?

Not as much as I would have if you were there. But I came calling your
name, almost feeling your hands on me.

> Love you. So much. Wish I could touch you, kiss you, taste you.
> Horny git. Contagious horny git.

And now horny again git. Going to go take a shower. Think about sucking
your cock and feeling you fuck me.

> Um, and sit ups. Apparently.

Or I could do sit ups.

> Love you

Love you, too. More than anything.

Your Oliver

To: Oliver Kurland
From: Thomas Moorfield
Sent: Saturday May 24th 7:48pm

Shit.

Shit shit shit.

OK, spoke to my brother.

Mum went into hospital yesterday, just for tests - a biopsy - and they've
kept her in.

Fuck.

I'm...ok, yeah, I'm freaking out big time.

She's ok. I mean - no - she is. They're keeping her in for the weekend
mostly for observation - she was on oxygen and stuff for a while - Seth sound
whacked.

Why the hell didn't I call her before?

I'm looking up coach timetables right now - go down for a couple of days.
Means I'll be out of email range.

OK, there's a coach out of Victoria at 9. If I go now I'll catch it. Be
back Monday for that tutorial unless things get a lot worse - mum would
*kill* me for cutting class.

I'll call.

Hope you meant it about the calling card thing.

Oliver? Love you. I'm sorry.

Your Tom
****************
Once is an accident
Twice is jazz
****************

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