Joss’s not mine. No infringement intended.
Post Season Six
Archived at The Crypt
When Xander finally left Willow, sleeping at long last, he found Giles
waiting in the living room.
“How is she?” Giles asked, concern shining in his eyes.
“Not good,” Xander said as he collapsed on the couch and ran a hand
through his hair. “But at least she's sleeping now. Where are Buffy and
Giles gestured toward the stairs. “They're sleeping in their mother’s
old room. Well, Willow and Tara’s room, I suppose. They wanted to be
Xander nodded. “Yeah, it’s a good idea if Will doesn’t sleep in that
bed for now. She’s in Dawn’s bed.” He stood up. “If she starts crying
again, or has a bad dream, or needs me…whatever. Just get me, okay?
I’ll be in Buffy’s room.” He started up the stairs.
“Xander-“ Giles said, then stopped.
Xander turned, halfway up the stairs. “Yeah?”
Giles just looked at him, then said, “Sleep well.”
“Not likely.” Xander started up the stairs again.
“What?” He didn’t turn this time, just paused.
Now he did turn and walked back down, staring at Giles. “Sorry for
what? Sorry you didn’t magic Willow to death? Sorry Tara’s dead? Sorry
you left? Well, I don’t want to hear it right now, okay? I just want to
sleep and forget.” He stood in front of Giles, his hands balled into
fists at his sides, his body tight with tension.
Giles looked at him for a moment, puzzled, then sad? “I actually meant
about you and Anya, but the rest is…something we can discuss later, if
you feel the need.” He started to turn away, but was stopped by the
cold anger in Xander’s voice.
“Yeah, 'cause you were rooting for us so hard you came all the way from
England for the wedding. Are you gonna stick around this time? Or are
you here on vacation? Heading back to the homeland soon, Giles?”
“I don’t really know yet, to be honest,” Giles said evenly, not
answering to his lack of appearance at the wedding.
Xander snorted and spun away, taking the stairs two at a time. Over his
shoulder he tossed back, “Figure it out, then. And let Buffy know. If
you’re gonna take off she should know about this time.”
Giles watched the young man disappear and heard the sound of a door
closing upstairs. He walked slowly to the couch and sat in the dark for
hours, listening to the house of children sleep.
In the morning Giles awoke with a stiff neck from sleeping sitting
up. He rolled his shoulders a few times and stretched his neck
from side to side, letting out a soft groan. As he stood up to
stretch other muscles he heard Xander’s voice in the kitchen.
He walked quietly to the door and saw that the young man was on the
phone. Xander glanced at him, then away again as he spoke into
“Yeah, I know I missed yesterday, too. I’m really sorry, but it’s
a family—“ he paused, listening to whomever was on the other end
of the line. “Yeah, okay. I get it. I’ll be there in
an hour. Just let me shower and get my stuff.” He hung up
the phone and banged his head softly on the wall. “Fuck.
Fuck fuck fuck.”
He turned to Giles. “I gotta work. Take care of Willow for
me, will you? If anything happens tell Buffy to call the
site. She has the number.” He started to walk past Giles,
not waiting for a reply.
“I’ll do everything I can,” Giles said quietly.
Xander just nodded at him and left the house.
It was another hour before Buffy and Dawn came down to breakfast.
The three of them ate together, the two girls smiling at each other
often and occasionally permitting him to bask in their new found sense
of life and love. When they had finished the breakfast dishes
they all went into the living room and waited to see how Willow would
She never emerged from the bedroom, and although they could hear her
crying at times, she refused all of their attempts to comfort.
Xander returned to the house late in the afternoon and after greeting Buffy and
Dawn with hugs he went up to Dawn’s room to check on Willow.
Giles stood at the bottom of the stairs, listening. Buffy walked
over to him and stood close by his side as they gazed up the stairs,
unable to see anything.
A knock on the door.
“Wills, it’s me.”
“Go ‘way, Xander.”
“Nope.” The sound of the knob rattling. A low curse.
“If I break the door I promise to fix it.”
“You better fix it. The door tree isn’t in season yet.”
A loud bang. Another. Another.
“God, that hurts. Willow, open the door. My shoulder hurts.”
Buffy looked at Giles and said, “He should kick it. The shoulder
thing never works.”
Giles rolled his eyes.
Silence, then the sound of a door opening and closing. More
Giles and Buffy returned to the living room and sat down next to each
“Is she going to be okay?” Buffy whispered.
“I don’t know, Buffy. What she did was…unprecedented. The
scale of her natural power is astounding, and when she pulled the dark
magic into herself she became something else all together. I
don’t know what effect that will have on her mind, or her power.
Or her body.”
Buffy nodded to herself. “Like she overdosed and should have
died. But somehow she let it go in time.”
“Yes. But I don’t know what is lingering in her, or how the
entire experience will effect her.”
“What about Tara?” Buffy asked. “I mean, Tara’s death.
Willow didn’t…take it well. Obviously. Now that she did the
big melt down and make everyone pay thing is she going to be able to
deal? On top of dealing with what she did to Warren? I
mean, that was pretty ugh. She’ll have to cope with that and all
the other stuff. Is she going to be okay?”
Giles pushed a hand through his hair and sighed. “I don’t know.”
After some time passed, perhaps an hour, perhaps ten minutes, Buffy
went to the kitchen and made sandwiches. She carried the plate up
the stairs and knocked on Dawn’s door, Giles assumed, and he heard her
say, “Food, you two. I’ll just leave it out here.”
She started back down the stairs and Giles heard the door open.
“Buffy?” Willow’s voice.
All Giles could see were Buffy’s legs as they turned on the
stairs. “Hey. Willow, how are—I mean…can I…”
“Yeah. You can. If you want to, after what I did to
you.” Oh, and that tore at Giles. That little voice, the
sound of a broken little girl who had lost her love and was so sure she
had lost everything else.
Buffy’s legs went up and Giles was alone in the living room again,
listening to the house of children crying in each other’s arms.
Giles was standing in the middle of the room looking at the framed
photos on a table. Buffy and Dawn as small children, laughing at
something out of the camera’s range. Buffy, older, looking
impossibly sweet and innocent as a young teen—before she became the
Slayer. Dawn showing off a loose tooth. Both of them with
their mother. Then the later pictures, some with Willow or
Xander, some with both. Dressed up for the prom. Sitting
together on the front step, squinting into the sun.
Giles put down the one he had been holding, a photo of Willow and
Buffy, when he heard footsteps on the stairs.
“Uh, hey,” Xander said.
“How is she doing?” Giles asked.
Xander shrugged. “She’s messed up. She’s crying, but I
don’t know if she’s crying for Tara or what she did. Maybe she
doesn’t know.” Xander crossed to the couch and sat down.
“Right now, it’s just good she’s crying, you know? Letting it
Giles nodded. “Yes. The main thing right now is to help her
regain her balance. She can deal with the specifics once she is
more in control of her immediate emotions.”
“Yeah. Anyway, she says that she just wants to be with Buffy
right now, or by herself. Don’t take this the wrong way, Giles,
but I don’t think she’s ready to see you.” Xander looked at him,
his eyes serious.
Giles sighed. “I suspect you are correct. And I can also
see that it would be best for me to stay away for awhile. No
matter how much I want to help her right now.” He realized
that he was polishing his glasses and put them back on, then shoved his
hands in his pockets.
Xander stood up and dug his keys out of his jeans. “I’m heading
out. Need a lift anywhere? Hotel? Magic Box?”
Giles nodded slowly. His luggage had gone straight to the hotel
from the airport while he himself had gone directly to the shop.
Lord only knew where it was now. “I suppose I had best go see the
damage at the store. If you wouldn’t mind driving me there, I
would appreciate it.”
Xander nodded and they left the Summers’ house together. As they
walked to Xander’s car the younger man said, “I talked to Anya
earlier. She doesn’t seem to think that the damage is too bad,
but I said I would take a look anyway. She asked when you were
Giles said nothing as they got in the car. Anya hadn’t even
crossed his mind all day, and that was…disturbing. She was his
business partner, and she had been the one who took care of him in the
aftermath of Willow’s power strike at him. And he hadn’t even
thought to call her.
When they got to the Magic Box Anya was sorting the merchandise into
piles of things that were fine, things that could be sold on sale and
things that were good only for the insurance. When Giles walked
through the door he watched her face light up, and for a brief moment
he knew her smile was for Xander. Then he had his arms full of
her and he knew differently.
“Ah, Anya, hello,” he said, trying to disentangle himself without
embarrassing either of them.
“Are you okay? You are, aren’t you? I mean, you’re not
dead, and you’re walking, so I guess you’re okay.” She stepped
back a half pace and ran her gaze over him, looking for injuries.
Giles felt, rather than saw, Xander walk past him.
“I’m fine, really. And you? Things are…all right?” He
started walking around the store, aware that she was following.
He half listened as she talked about the damaged goods and the repairs
that were needed, looking over his shop as they moved over and around
broken cases and spilled shelves. He stopped in front of one
shelf, now bereft of it’s glass doors, and said, “Xander? Could
you help me with this?”
Xander came over to him and put the pad of paper he had been writing on
down, then helped Giles to right the shelf.
“What do you think?” Giles asked.
Xander looked the shelf over and said, “It’s okay. Needs new
glass and couple of hinges, but I can take of it easily enough.
The rest…” he swept his arm to the side, indicating the room at large,
“is a couple of days for a good crew. I can do a lot of the
finishing stuff at night, but for the major things I can recommend some
people. I have a partial list of what needs to be done
here.” He handed Giles the note pad and started picking some
things up off the floor.
“At night? You? Here?” Anya sounded reluctant at best,
Xander froze then stood slowly. “Fine. Thought I could save
you some money, but if you want to call any of those guys they’ll do
good work for you.” He turned and started walking toward the
door, his shoulders back and his posture stiff.
“No,” Giles said. “I want you to do as much of it as you can
manage. And we’ll pay you.” He gave Anya a hard look when
she opened her mouth. “You work well, and you know the
store. I would appreciate your help.”
Xander still had his back to them, but his back relaxed. He
looked over his shoulder and said, “Good enough. I’ll start
tomorrow after work. Right now, I’m dead tired, and I’m going
home. Call those guys on the list, though, and get the big stuff
taken care of.”
After a chorus of good byes, Xander left and Giles turned to Anya.
He searched her over bright face for a moment. “How are you?”
She crumpled slightly and sighed. “I’m…confused. A little
scared. But I’ll be okay.” She moved closer to him and once
more he found himself holding her. “How is Willow?” she asked
into his chest.
He patted her on the back in what he hoped was a soothing manner and
gently released her. “She’s not very well, I expect. She
is, however, lucid and I hope that in time she will be able to confront
what she has done and be able to grieve for Tara in a better way.”
Anya nodded sadly and returned to sorting stock, occasionally
chattering to Giles as thoughts occurred to her. He tried to
respond but whenever he met her eyes he was struck by the feeling that
she wanted to say something to him; something he really wasn’t ready to
deal with. He went into the office and found the phone in working
order so he called one of the contractors Xander had recommended.
When he was done he told Anya that the work crew would arrive in the
morning and reassured her that yes, he would be back bright and
early. He took his leave, going to the hotel with the thought of
a hot shower and fresh clothes spurring him on.
Over the next week Giles was at the shop most days and things had
fallen into a predictable pattern, based on workmen and insurance
agents, interspersed with visits from the others. Buffy fell
naturally into a workout pattern each afternoon at the store, and he
took comfort from the way they moved together, from one drill to the
next before she went out on patrol. Dawn came as well, and he was
glad of her cheerful presence; it made it a little easier to deal with
the lack of any appearance by Willow, who was still working through the
harsh edges of her grief.
Xander was there, of course, each evening. He worked hard, fixing
cases and shelves, rebuilding supports for the loft, sanding out knicks
and scratches in woodwork that had been relatively undamaged.
Giles watched as Xander tried to talk to Anya; simple conversations
about nothing other than the store. It was painful for each of
them, the stilted words and forced civility.
Xander seemed so lost, trying to find the words that would not make
Anya angry with him, not start a fight. Anya watched him with
eyes full of pain and confusion, then would turn and chatter too
quickly to someone else. They were being torn up, and there
seemed no way for Giles to help them bridge the distance between
them. Giles reminded himself that they were grown now, and it
wasn’t, had never been, his place to help them with this.
When Xander was not in the store Anya was a different woman. She
talked brightly and worked hard on the store, she smiled often and it
seemed to Giles that she spent an inordinate amount of time being where
he was. Stocking the same shelves, or going over paperwork,
or…just anything. She touched him—his arms, his back, his
hands. He was not unaware of what was going on; he simply didn’t
want to deal with it. Being a rebound was not what he wanted, nor
did he want Anya. He didn’t think that she truly wanted him
either, but he was at a loss about how to deal with it without causing
hurt feelings or misunderstandings.
There came an evening late in the week when the door to the store
opened and Xander came in, one arm around the too thin shoulders of
Willow. Giles stared at her; she seemed so small, so fragile now.
He stepped out from behind the counter and held out a hand to
“Giles,” she began, her eyes filling almost immediately.
He pulled her to him and held her close, whispering, “Hush, now.
It’s okay. It’s just me. It’s just you. Nothing bad
will happen now. Hush.”
She sniffled and looked up at him. He met her eyes and though he
was aware of Xander standing by, ready to protect her. He ignored
him, focusing only on Willow.
“I never wanted to do that to you, Willow. I am so sorry. I
never wanted to hurt you.”
“Giles, I…I know. And I never wanted to…to…” and she was crying
in his arms and it was all right. He let her cry, he held her and
tried to let her feel that he still cared, that no matter what had
happened he would help her.
Finally, she stopped weeping and looked at him again. “You would
have killed me.”
He nodded. “Yes. It would have destroyed a part of me, but
yes, I would have.”
She nodded sadly and hugged him again, then moved away, back to
Xander. Giles looked at the young man and was unsurprised to find
little warmth in his eyes. Understanding and acceptance, but not
Giles tried to rationalize the pain that caused, with limited success.
As Xander worked Willow sat and watched him, answering the questions
that her best friend tossed her way. It was an odd conversation,
with Willow responding easily enough, but not initiating anything on
her own. Giles could see how much she was drawing strength from
Xander, though; how much she was counting on him for support.
Xander worked for a couple of hours, then knocked off early to take
As the door closed behind them Giles became aware of Anya, standing a
little too close to him. Again. He could feel the soft
swell or her breast brush his arm and he wondered if now was the time
she would begin the conversation he didn’t want to have with her.
“He loves you very much, you know,” Giles said, not looking at
her. He felt her pull away and glanced at her face. Her
eyes were sad, and when she looked at him he knew that he had said the
right thing. For him, anyway.
“I know he does. But that makes it worse.” She moved away
and picked up a duster, flicked it over a display of crystals.
“But if he loves you, and you love him—“
“There isn’t any point, Giles. He doesn’t want to get
married. And there is no point in us being together now if it
means breaking up again in a few months.”
Giles thought about that for a moment. “But maybe he just doesn’t
want to get married right now. He is rather young, you
know. Perhaps in a few years…”
Anya shook her head. “He doesn’t want to get married. I
do. Yes, we love each other, but I really don’t see what
difference a few years will make other than to make us older.
There is too much wrong with us now.” She looked Giles in the
eye. “It’s over.”
“Does Xander know that?” Giles leaned against the counter, watching her
move restlessly through the store.
“I’m sure he does. He’s smart. Besides, he isn’t about to
forgive me for—“ she stopped suddenly and then said, “something foolish
I did.” She dropped the duster on the table and moved back to
stand in front of Giles.
“When we kissed, what did you feel?” she asked.
That was not unexpected, but it was certainly not the place Giles
wanted this conversation to go. He pushed a hand through his hair
“Anya, when we kissed I thought I was supposed to marry you. You
are a lovely woman, and I thought I loved you. So kissing you, in
that context, was right and…and good. But it wouldn’t be now.”
“But you don’t know that,” she said, stepping closer.
Giles could smell her hair, practically feel how soft her skin
was. He took a deep breath and put his hands on her
shoulders. “Anya, listen to me. We would not work. It
just wouldn’t be a good match. We have nothing in common, aside
from the shop and penchant for killing demons, of which you are now
one, again. Also, there is Xander to consider. I would not,
cannot, be involved with a woman he still loves. Do you
Anya’s eyes were soft and she laid a hand on the side of his
face. She nodded slowly and leaned forward, kissing him
gently. It was a chaste kiss, soft and sweet and sad. She
stepped back and said, “I do understand. Goodnight, Giles.”
Then she was gone.
For the next few days Giles watched Xander and Anya step around each
other and what they were feeling. The two of them seemed to have
reached an uneasy place in their relationship, and were not only
avoiding conversations but even each other’s presence.
Xander would come into the shop and work. He was almost finished with
the repairs and Giles found himself wishing that more things had been
broken. He suspected that when the shop was put to rights Xander
would not be coming at all, and the thought upset him.
Xander and Anya had an entire relationship at issue; loving each other,
the pain they were in, the rejection mixed with hurt and
resentment. Giles wanted them to just go somewhere and talk, to
yell, to finish or start. The place they were in now colored
everything about them.
And Giles feared for his own relationship with Xander. The
younger man was angry with him, held himself in the background, avoided
conversations about anything other than the repairs or Willow’s
progress. It hurt, and Giles didn’t know how to fix it. He
knew that Xander was still angry he had left, felt that Giles had
abandoned them; but he was back now. Shouldn’t that make a
Willow would come in with Xander some evenings, and that was
good. She was still weak and given to periods of staring into
space, but she was slowly starting to function again. Xander lead
her carefully through the first few days, didn’t pressure her to do
anything other than be in the company of people. He encouraged
and supported her just by being there, by being someone she could turn
to in an instant, stopping whatever he was doing to go to her side and
just touch her, or talk to her or offer her a smile.
Then he started methodically making her do things outside of
herself. Little things, like asking her to make a pot of
coffee. Tiny things, like asking her what her thoughts were on
where to put a shelf. Anything to get her to think, to express an
opinion or offer something more than a yes or a no.
Giles admired the approach. It was meticulous and careful, and
all together more subtle than Giles would have given Xander credit
for. He found himself watching with admiration. Xander
seemed to know instinctively what would be the best way and the
appropriate time to draw Willow out. It was a better job than
Giles could have managed.
Giles watched Xander finish a shelf and put it in place. He had
grown so much in the last year or two. He was broad now,
strong. He had somewhere along the way developed a co-ordination
that skirted the edges of grace when he was working, even if he held
tight to being awkward in other situations. Giles searched
through his memories and realized that the awkwardness he had perceived
had been only social, something that Xander’s body emanated when he was
uncomfortable or under stress.
He watched Xander work for a while longer. Long legs, moving
through the store with another shelf. Strong hands, shifting a
delicate crystal with care, almost cradling the stone. An arm
over Willow’s shoulder, drawing her into a hug, her small, sad face
pressed into Xander’s chest. When Xander bent over to pick up his
hammer Giles looked away quickly.
As the days past Giles became more and more concerned with Xander’s
behavior toward him. He had tried to get Xander to talk to him
about the obvious resentment the man had, but Xander had simply turned
from him and asked Anya where she wanted the glass for the shelf doors
It was at the end of the second week that Xander finally put down the
can of sealant he had been using and started to gather his things.
“I’m about done.”
Giles was about to thank him, glancing around the shop for something
else, anything else, that needed fixing, when Anya said, “Thank you,
Xander. You have been a very big help.”
Xander looked at her, searched her face. Then he sighed and
looked at the floor. “Anya, can we…?”
Her eyes widened a little and then she nodded sharply, pointing to the
door of the training room. “Is it okay if we talk in there?
Not the best atmosphere, I know, but…but just not right here.
Okay?” There was a pleading note in her voice and Xander nodded.
Giles watched them go, and wished that he could somehow make this
easier for them, could somehow fix things so they would be happy, even
if they could not be together. He wanted them to smile. He
wanted Xander to smile. And he wanted Xander to talk to him.
Anya and Xander went into the training room and closed the door softly
behind them. Giles stood behind the counter, looking at nothing
for a long moment; he felt like a voyeur even thought there was nothing
for him to see. Even being in the shop felt like an intrusion on
He couldn’t hear anything, for which he was grateful. Giles
wanted to leave, to be anywhere but in the store when they were
finished. He stayed, thinking that leaving at this point may be
yet another abandonment; he was determined not to make the same mistake
After a period of time which was not nearly long enough and yet too
long for goodbye, the door opened and Anya emerged, rushing through the
shop and going behind the counter to retrieve her purse. She
glanced about and saw Giles, standing in the doorway of the office.
“I…I’m done for the day. Goodnight, Giles.” She turned and
left, but not before Giles saw the tears standing out in her eyes.
“Goodnight, Anya,” he said quietly as the door closed behind her.
He locked the door, flipped the sign to closed and turned out the
lights. With a soft sigh he looked at the closed door to
the training room. He was reluctant to go to Xander, not because
he didn’t care or want to help, but because he was unsure of how Xander
would react to his intrusion.
Finally though, he crossed the store, knocking once on the door before
“Hey.” The voice came from the left, down low. Giles looked
around and finally saw the young man, sitting against the wall.
His eyes were red and he had his arms wrapped around his stomach, his
knees drawn to his chest.
“May I come in?”
Xander just nodded and rubbed at his eyes in a quick movement.
“Yeah, sure. Your place and all that.”
Giles walked over to him and sat down. “I’m sorry, Xander.”
Xander leaned his head against the wall and closed his eyes.
“Yeah. Well, it’s better, you know? Just say it and move
“I suppose. Is there…is there anything I can do?”
“Turn back time? No, never mind. If you can manage that I
don’t want to know.”
Giles gave him a small smile, the effort wasted as Xander’s eyes were
still closed. “No, I can’t do that. I could offer you what
is supposed to be comforting words—all those classic sayings about how
it will get better, how it’s all a growth experience.”
Xander opened his eyes and looked at him. “Yeah, like any good
parent would.” The resentment in his voice took Giles aback a bit.
He didn’t know what to say. “You don’t want me to offer anything?”
“I don’t want a parent.” Xander was staring at him, his eyes
bright with something that Giles simply did not understand.
Carefully, as though treading on broken glass, he said, “But I’m not
Xander laughed, the sound harsh with ridicule. “What are you
then? C’mon Giles, you’ve been the only decent parental figure in
my life since I was sixteen.”
“Perhaps, but I am also your friend. If you need something—“
“What I need, Giles, is a friend. But you left. You left
because you wanted Buffy to grow up. You left so she could become
someone, could learn to depend on herself. You left ‘cause you
were her parental figure and she can’t leave here. But you didn’t
think about me, did you?”
Giles blinked and opened his mouth, only vaguely surprised when nothing
came out. He was too startled to say anything.
Xander plowed on, his voice rough. “Giles, I don’t need a father
anymore. If you hadn’t noticed, I’m not sixteen anymore.”
Giles quickly pushed away the thought of how much he had, in fact,
“What I needed then was someone I could talk to. Someone who
wasn’t caught up in a relationship crisis, or coming back from the
dead, or…or fifteen. Someone who wasn’t a girl. When was
the last time you saw me with a friend who wasn’t a girl? I
thought you were my friend, Giles. And you left. Twice.”
Xander finally seemed to run out of steam. He let his head drop
against the wall again, and closed his eyes.
Giles sighed softly and leaned back as well. “I had to leave,
“I know that. It’s just…it’s why you left. For her. And the
rest of us, we didn’t—“
“You always mattered, Xander. Don’t think that you didn’t.”
Giles put as much force and conviction as he could.
Xander shook his head. “That’s not what I’m trying to say.
Hell, I don’t know what I’m trying to say.” He ran a hand through his
“You felt like I abandoned you. That I didn’t consider you when I
“Yeah,” Xander said softly. “I did. But I knew why you
left. I just didn’t play a big part in your thinking.”
Giles looked at him and took a breath. “I’m sorry. All I
knew was that I had to leave, for Buffy and Dawn. You are all
adults now, I wasn’t needed, had no real place here as Watcher,
or..or…as parent. I was too available to do what Buffy needed to
do for herself and wasn’t.”
“Look, I know why you left. I just really needed you to
stay.” Xander’s eyes were wide and dark. He looked sad and
alone, and Giles wanted to soothe the pain away.
“I’m sorry. I’m here now.” It was the best he could offer.
Xander looked away. “For how long, Giles? You’re still at
the hotel, that doesn’t ring bells of permanence.”
“Yes, well. That is getting rather expensive. I’m not sure
how long I’m staying yet, but I do know that I’m not ready to
leave. Perhaps I better look into something else.”
“Guess that’ll have to do.” He sounded resigned. Listless.
Giles turned to face him, willed Xander to look at him. When he
did, Giles said, “What do you want, Xander? I can’t promise to
stay here. I don’t know what my place is anymore.”
“Your place? Giles, listen to me. God, I can’t believe
we’re even talking about this.” Xander shook his head and looked
at Giles, his expression serious. “Okay, it’s like this, and it’s
simple. You’re right, we’re adults now. You left, we grew
up. We don’t need a parent. What we do need is a friend.
You can do that, can’t you? Just be a friend?”
Giles wanted to throw his hands up in frustration. “I don’t know
how to be anything other than what I am. If you see me as an
authority figure, or a father or…or…whatever, then the problem is in
the perceptions we have. That we all have. I don’t know if
it’s possible to let go of what we’ve been for the last six years.”
“We don’t have to, Giles. Look, can you see us—me—as a
friend? I’m not asking you to do male bonding exercises with me
here. I just want you to see me as a man. See us all as we
are, not as we were. Are was always going to be children to
you? Can you see us as adults and not as teenagers?”
Giles thought about it. About how he admired the way Xander was
helping Willow. About how he certainly had noticed that Xander
wasn’t a child. He had seen changes in him, in them all, since he
had come back. “I can try.”
Giles was relieved to find that Xander did not, in fact, stop coming to
the Magic Box. He wasn’t there every night, certainly, but he did
stop in with Willow, or to help research, or to just be there.
Giles found himself anticipating each evening more and more, pleased
when the bell over the door signaled his arrival, and disappointed when
He began to hate his hotel room with a passion. It wasn’t an
ideal situation at all, but given the circumstances he was reluctant to
take Buffy up on her offer of a room in her home. Willow was
still in a fragile state and while he could see their relationship
warming once more he feared that his constant presence would
grate. Also, there were only three rooms and he doubted that
either Dawn or Buffy would be overjoyed at the prospect of sharing a
room for an undetermined amount of time.
The real problem, however, was the room itself. Cold and bare, it
held only the most basic of furnishings and had no life at all.
It wasn’t supposed to, he knew, but neither was it supposed to be
someone’s home for weeks on end.
The expense was mounting. Giles could bear it, but he wasn’t
overly comfortable with the amount of money he was having to pay for a
bed which was becoming an increasingly unhappy place to be. He
was having dreams, and when he awoke, alone in a room he loathed, with
the images of a young body in his mind he felt alone and old and
desperate. He didn’t even have comfortable surroundings or his
own possessions to comfort him.
When he woke up after one of those dreams for the third morning in a
row he decided that the room was a very bad place for him to be.
He made his way to the shower, still half asleep and stood under the
hot water trying to decided what he should do. He wasn’t ready to
return to England, but he was equally unready to sign a lease on an
apartment and stay in Sunnydale.
He wasn’t ready to leave. He wasn’t ready to leave Buffy again,
and he was certainly not willing to leave Xander. The thought of
getting on a plane at this point made his blood run cold. Xander
would never forgive him. He would not forgive himself for…for
what? Hurting the others? Abandoning them again? For
not taking the chance to be a true friend to Xander?
Giles shook his head, annoyed with himself. He tried to tell
himself that his thoughts were returning again and again to Xander
because of the dreams. His subconscious mind was clearly trying
to drive his conscious mind insane. Xander was a good
person. He was an attractive man. He had become someone
whom Giles admired and respected, and he wanted to spend more time with
And he wanted him.
Giles closed his eyes and sighed at the internal admission. Yes,
he wanted Xander. And no, he could never have him. Xander
wanted a friend, not a lover, and most definitely, Giles was sure, not
a middle aged male lover.
When he emerged from the shower the only thing he knew for certain was
that he could not stay in this room another night. As he left the
hotel to go the Magic Box he checked out and arranged to have his bags
sent to the store.
When Giles’s luggage arrived at the store he had to reassure and calm
Anya and Buffy. “I am not leaving, I promise you. I just
don’t want to stay at the hotel anymore. And before you offer
again, Buffy, I really do appreciate it but I think that if I can find
a small place that leases month to month it would be best.”
Buffy nodded slowly then shook her head. “Month to month.
So you’re not staying staying.”
Giles looked at her, saw the disappointment in her face. But he
also saw that she knew she would be okay if he did leave. The pain and
utter fear of what she would do without him that he had seen the last
time he left was missing. He found that reassuring and at the
same time like he had a lost a little part of her. He pushed the
“I’m not ready to leave yet. I’m also not sure that I am ready to
make a permanent home here. Let’s just say that I am no longer in
a ‘hotel only’ frame of mind.”
Buffy smiled then and said, “Good.” She reached for the newspaper
on the table. “Let’s find you a nice place. Sort of grown
up and not in need of fixing, but at the same time kind of funky.”
She started reading the listings with Anya reading over her shoulder.
“Funky?” Giles asked faintly. No one replied.
He watched as the two women made a list of suitable places and
proceeded to cross almost all of them off the list.
“Bad area—three cemeteries within walking distance.”
“Too close to the Hellmouth.”
“Two bedrooms. He doesn’t need two bedrooms unless he stays.”
“No kitchen? What the heck is that about?”
“Fifth floor. No elevator. No chance. I get enough
exercise slaying, I am not climbing all those stairs.”
“Too expensive.” Oh good, a normal reason.
Giles finally started stocking shelves with the latest shipment of
herbs and left them to it. He had very little illusions that he
would be allowed to pick his own place anyway.
Giles was just coming out of the back room when Xander arrived.
Giles’s bags were lined up by the counter and Giles saw the blood drain
from Xander’s face when he saw them.
“Xander, I’m not—“
Giles was talking to air as Xander spun on his heel and turned to
leave, his jaw clenched tight. Buffy reached an arm out and
grabbed the back of Xander’s shirt.
“Relax. He’s staying. Just moving.”
Xander looked at her and she nodded. “Cool down, okay? Talk
to him instead of walking out. It works.”
Anya snorted, then started dusting the shelves under the weight of
Xander looked at the floor then glanced up at Giles.
“Sorry. I thought you were going again.”
Giles shook his head. “I’m not. At the very least, not
right now. I do, however, need to find somewhere to stay.”
He looked at the table and picked up the sheet of paper Anya and Buffy
had been writing on. “I have to call of these places—Buffy?
There’s only one place on this list. And it’s next to the
Buffy shrugged. “Sorry. The rest were worse.”
“Xander has a spare room,” Anya offered. Everyone turned to stare
He nodded. “Yep. Bed and everything. If you don’t
mind sharing with me, and understand that there is no real food,
you can crash with me.”
Giles suppressed his immediate panicked reaction and said, “I don’t
want to impo—“
“Don’t be ridiculous. Bed. Free. Is good.”
Xander looked very sure of himself and Buffy took the paper from his
hand, tearing it up.
“There. Settled. Now, I have to go flip burgers. Is it
too much to ask for a tiny little mini apocalypse?” Not waiting for
a reply Buffy left with a cheery wave.
Giles looked at Xander. “Thank you. This is most…generous
Xander grinned and shook his head. “Nah. Generous would
have been me inviting you weeks ago. This is ass saving.”
Giles smiled back and tried to ignore the knot forming in his
stomach. He was fairly sure that this was the worst idea in the
history of bad ideas. How was he going to manage to keep himself
under control if he was staying in the same apartment with the
man. Sleeping in the next room. Sharing a shower. Oh
god. He went to his office and closed the door claiming that he
had invoices to look over before they left.
Staying with Xander was not the trial Giles had anticipated; or at the
very least not as much of one. He found that he was quite capable
of schooling his mind when they were alone in the evenings, and he had
very few moments where he found it necessary to actually leave the room
He enjoyed their time together. They watched TV, or patrolled, or
talked about England in that ‘what’s it like there’ way that Americans
sometimes had about foreign countries. They even went out a
couple of nights and saw a movie together. Mostly they talked.
Giles watched carefully to see how Xander was coping with his break up
with Anya. At first he was concerned because Xander didn’t talk
about it all, but after some thought he decided that it was simply
Xander’s way of dealing with it. Whatever turmoil he had been in
had eased noticeably after he and Anya had spoken in the training room
and Giles thought it best to let the matter drop entirely.
When one or both of them decided that they were spending too much time
together Xander would go out with guys from work for a drink or to
shoot pool and Giles would read and listen to music that he actually
liked. He enjoyed those quiet times in Xander’s home, though he
found himself quite eager for Xander’s return.
He still had dreams. He still ignored them, other than the
physical evidence. On the whole they were a small price to pay
for his overall sense of comfort with the young man.
When he had been there for about three weeks he had managed to stock
the kitchen with real food, a feat he was quite proud of. He was
heading into the kitchen to make supper one evening when Xander came
out of his bedroom with a pile of clothes under his arm.
With a quick, nervous smile he said, “I’m gonna go take a shower,
Giles. Sorry to leave you alone, but I’ve got a…thing
tonight.” Then he vanished into the bathroom.
Giles absently noted that the shirt Xander had been carrying was one of
his better ones, and was pondering whether the ‘thing’ was a date or
not. He tried very hard to convince himself that if it was a date
than Xander was quite capable of deciding if he was or was not ready to
start seeing someone new. The part of him that was jealous of the
mystery girl was firmly locked away after only a brief struggle.
Giles had just started preparing something to eat when the phone rang.
He picked up the receiver while opening the fridge door. “Hello,
Harris residence,” he said.
There was a pause. “Um, hi, is Xander there?” a deep voice
“He is,” Giles said, trying to find the tomatoes, which were hidden
under a pizza box. “But I’m afraid he can’t come to the phone right
now. May I take a message for you?”
Another pause. “Uh, I hope I’m not being rude, but I thought
Xander lived by himself…”
“Oh, he does. I’m a houseguest. Was there any
message? I can have him call you back in about twenty
minutes.” Now, to find the pesto he had picked up the day before.
“Oh, okay. Tell him Luke called and I’m real sorry but I gotta
bail on tonight. Tell him Toby’s back, and we talked and well…On
second thought, that might be a conversation I should have in
person. Just tell him Luke’s sorry, but I gotta bail.”
Giles stood up and gave his full attention to the voice.
“Luke. And you can’t make it tonight. I’ll…I’ll tell him.”
“Cool, thanks. Bye.”
Giles looked at the receiver in his hand and hung it up
carefully. He sliced the tomato and when he heard the water shut
off in the bathroom he went to the door and tapped on it.
“Yeah?” came Xander’s muffled voice.
“You had a phone call, Xander. Luke says he is sorry, but he
can’t make it tonight.”
There was a pause.
“Did he say why?”
“Yes, something about Toby coming back, but that it was a conversation
he would rather have in person.”
There was longer pause and Giles was about to move away from the door
when Xander said, “That’s…good. Yeah, that’s good. I’ll be
out in a minute.”
Giles returned to the kitchen and started slicing bread, nice and
thick. After a couple of minutes Xander came out of the bathroom
with a cloud of steam and walked past with a towel wrapped around his
waist, water from his still damp hair dripping down his back.
Giles quickly looked away.
When Xander came back out of his room and into the kitchen he was
wearing faded jeans and a loose t-shirt. “What ya makin’?” he
asked, opening the fridge.
“Just grilled pesto and tomato sandwiches with provolone cheese.
“Ugh. No, thanks.” Xander pulled out the pizza box and
grinned, then opened the box. “Ugh, again. Make that a
‘yes, please’. This is gross.” He tossed the box in the
garbage and leaned against the counter watching Giles make the
They ate at the kitchen table, mostly in silence. When they were
done and back in the living room Xander finally said, “So. You
gonna ask me about Luke?”
Giles looked at him, wondering what the correct answer was. “It
isn’t any of my business, Xander.”
Xander nodded, then shook his head. “Nope. The parental
figure would be all over it, asking questions and demanding
explanations. The friend would be digging for details. Only
difference is which version of the truth I give you. So?”
Giles sighed and leaned back. “If you want to talk about it, I’ll
listen. And I want the friend version.”
Xander reached across the space between them and offered his hand. Puzzled,
Giles shook hands with him, then grinned when Xander said, “Congratulations,
you have just been downgraded from Authority Figure to Friend. Your prize
is the detailed explanation of why a man named Luke bailed on me tonight.
Don’t blame me if you regret it, prizes are non-refundable.”
Giles smiled again, and watched as Xander stretched out on the couch
and looked at the ceiling, one arm behind his head.
“I was out last week, shooting pool, just hanging out at the Bronze,
and this guy came up to me at the bar and said something. I don’t
remember what it was, but he was cruising me. Fine, I think,
polite brush off and he’ll go away, no harm, no foul.” He glanced
at Giles who nodded.
“So, I turned around to look at him, gonna say something like, ‘hey,
thanks but no thanks, not interested’ and I just…looked at him.
Almost as tall as me, broad shoulders, light hair, good looking
guy. But not like ‘for a guy he’s not bad’ more like ‘I wonder
what it would be like to kiss that mouth?’” Again, he looked at
Giles. Giles tried to look open and receptive, but the thought of
Xander kissing any man was causing a sharp pain in his gut.
“He bought me a drink and we talked for a while, then I bought him a
drink. Told him about Anya, he told me about Toby. They’d
been together for three years and about two months ago Toby took off
for some soul seeking trip and Luke figured that was that. He
still loves him though, still misses him.” Xander kept looking at
the ceiling, and Giles was profoundly grateful. He wasn’t sure
what Xander would see if he looked into his eyes.
“About three drinks into it we decided that we were hopeless and not
exactly dating material, what with me being straight and him being in
love with his ex-boyfriend. Another couple of drinks and we
shared a cab home, stopped at his place first. I went to the door
with him and he asked me if I was positive I’m straight.”
Xander stopped talking. He didn’t look at Giles, and Giles didn’t
say anything. Xander swallowed a couple of times and Giles
realized that hand on Xander’s stomach was curled into a tight fist,
clenching and unclenching.
“Tell me,” Giles said softly.
Xander closed his eyes and spoke quietly, his voice almost
hoarse. “So I said, ‘Maybe not’ and he kissed me. And I
kissed him back. And it was nice. Really nice.”
Giles was sure that there was some right thing to say, but he was
damned if he knew what it was. Xander was still laying on the
couch with his eyes closed, like he didn’t want to see Giles reaction,
didn’t want to face disappointment or discouragement or…whatever he was
used to getting.
“And tonight was to be…?” Giles asked.
Xander opened his eyes and smiled ruefully. “Just shooting pool
and maybe a movie. I wasn’t really planning to jump the guy, just
wanted to…you know, hang out. Get to know him.”
Giles nodded. “And now that this Toby is back you don’t think
that you’ll be seeing anymore of Luke.”
Xander chuckled. “With Toby back I doubt Luke wants to see
me. I mean, I’m the guy he cruised when his man was gone; not a
likely candidate for casual friendship.”
They said nothing for a little bit, then Xander turned the TV on.
Giles watched the screen, not paying any attention to what was on.
“Giles?” Xander was staring hard at the TV.
“Have you ever…uh…have you ever been with a man? Like that?”
Giles didn’t have to consider his answer. Xander’s state of mind
demanded total honesty; he had shared something intensely new and
private with Giles, and he had to respond in kind.
“Yes. But not for a long time now.” Giles watched Xander’s
reaction carefully, noted the slight relaxing of his hands, a little of
the tension ease out of his shoulders.
Xander seemed to think about that for a bit, then he turned off the TV
and rolled over to look at Giles. “What’s it like?”
Giles was truly at a loss. He looked carefully at the young man,
trying to get some idea of what Xander wanted to hear. He opted,
once more, for the truth.
“I’m not sure what to tell you. It’s like…sex with anyone.
It can be intense and driven, or it can be slow and tender. The
only difference is the mechanics.”
Xander blinked. “But what does it feel like?”
It was Giles’s turn to blink. “It feels like…oh Lord. It
feels like a gift. It can be painful at first, but then the
pleasure takes over. If you mean what if feels like to be the
one…on top, it’s…” his voice trailed off. “I’m not sure if I can
tell you what it feels like. It’s really something that has to be
experienced,” he finished, feeling that he was somehow letting Xander
down and at the same time profoundly grateful that he couldn’t find the
words to describe how it felt to make love to a man. He was even
more grateful that his brain had the good sense not to offer to show
him how it felt.
Xander looked at him and blinked again, then shook his head
sharply. “I’m sorry, that was something I probably should have
left alone.” He stood up and looked around the room. “Let’s
get out of here. Go to a movie or something.”
Giles wasn’t quite ready to stand up. He raised an eyebrow and
offered a smile, saying, “You want me to substitute for your
date?” He had a strong urge to bite his tongue off.
But Xander just laughed. “Yeah, if you want. C’mon, let’s
go and talk about other stuff. Sort of pretend this conversation
“If you want to forget it. But we can discuss your…feelings
anytime you want. You do know that?”
Xander nodded. “Thanks. I’ll go change.”
They went out. They saw a forgettable movie and shot a couple
games of pool, the conversation restricted to how bad the movie had
been. Giles tried very hard not to think about Xander and what he
Giles watched Xander as he drank his Coke. He seemed so relaxed
now, comfortable. His body language was as different as it could
be from the way he had been earlier. His limbs were loose, his
smile quick and ready. God, he had a beautiful smile.
Xander looked at him and Giles couldn’t look away. He wasn’t how
sure they stood there, the noise of people around them, the click of
billiard balls fading away. Then Xander put his cue on the table,
carefully, like it might shatter. “Let’s go home,” he said.
When they got to Xander’s apartment Giles went to the kitchen and got a
glass of water. He turned, intending to say goodnight to Xander
and flee to his borrowed room, but Xander was there, right behind him.
Giles froze. Xander was standing too close, too warm and
there. He looked into brown eyes and couldn’t look away as Xander
bent his head.
Their kiss was soft and gentle, Xander’s lips whispering over
his. He felt the tip of Xander’s tongue trace his lower lip,
allowed the kiss to deepen as Xander placed a warm hand at the back of
his head. Their tongues explored and tasted, gently
probing. It wasn’t invasive or hungry; it was powerfully intimate
When Xander pulled back he looked at Giles and said, “Wow.”
Giles took a deep breath and said, “Goodnight, Xander.” Then he
left the kitchen and headed to bed.
He got about four steps when Xander stopped him, a hand on his
Giles turned slowly to face him. “Xander, I’m sorry. I
can’t…I don’t want to—“
“Yes, you do,” Xander said. “You do. You don’t kiss someone like
that if you don’t want to. And the rest of you most definitely
Giles sighed. “It’s not that easy.”
The first spark of anger flared in Giles. Why couldn’t he
see? Why couldn’t Xander just know what this was doing to
him? “I won’t be your experimental foray into gay sex,
Xander. I can’t be just a convenient body for you to play games
Xander looked confused and little angry himself. “Do you think I
would do that? Just use you to see what it’s like?”
“Not consciously, no,” Giles said, trying to make Xander
understand. “But what you’re feeling is new, and your curiosity
is naturally strong. You’re confused right now, and—“
Xander laughed, his voice broken and rough. “Giles, I’ve been
confused about how I feel about you for the last six years. I’m
just starting to figure it out.”
Giles stared at him, hope blossoming against his best efforts to
suppress it. “But you can’t know—“
“Then let me know,” Xander said softly, stepping closer. Strong
hands were on Giles’s shoulders and Xander kissed him again.
This time he could feel need and longing, taste the passion building in
Xander. He gave into the kiss, moaning softly as Xander pulled
him closer. When their bodies were pressed tightly together
Giles’s careful control finally snapped. He tangled one hand
loosely in dark, soft hair and deepened the kiss further, drawing an
answering moan from Xander as he rocked their hips together slightly.
They broke the kiss, breathing heavily, bodies still locked
together. Giles took a step back, stopping the hurt look in
Xander’s eyes before it could really take hold by taking his hand and
leading the way to Xander’s bedroom.
They stood at the end of the bed for a moment and Giles looked at
Xander closely, trying to make sure that this was what the man really
wanted. Then Xander’s hand came up, laid lightly along his jaw.
“This is right.”
Giles nodded and kissed him gently as he unbuttoned Xander’s
shirt. He pushed the fabric off Xander’s shoulders and moved to
taste the skin there as the shirt slipped to the floor. As he
kissed and bit gently at Xander’s neck and shoulders Xander moaned
softly and rubbed against him, trying to get closer.
“Giles, I need…oh god.”
Fingers made quick work of the buttons on Giles’s own shirt and then
there was the bliss of skin on skin, heat melding as they moved
together. Giles dropped his hands to Xander’s waist, pulled him
tighter to his body and they both made soft noises as their erections
Giles turned them slightly and eased Xander onto the bed. He
kissed him hard as he worked to undo first Xander’s belt and jeans,
then his own. He kissed a trail down Xander’s chest to his belly
as he eased him out of his pants, then moved back up again to take one
nipple into his mouth.
“You too, “ Xander said as he ran his hands over Giles’s back and
shoulders. “Want to see you.”
Giles stood and finished getting undressed, then settled back on the
bed next to Xander. He felt a little self-conscious, suddenly
very aware of his age as he lay next to this young body. He
looked at Xander as warm hands played over his sides and explored his
hips and the tops of his thighs. He wasn’t sure exactly what was
in Xander’s eyes, but it reassured him.
Xander kissed him again, his hands moving faster and harder. The
kiss was hot and hungry, Xander’s body rolling into him and pushing at
him insistently. He heard low sounds and wasn’t sure which of
them was sounding so needy and desperate; he found he really didn’t
Xander hooked a leg over his thigh and Giles gasped as their contact
grew more intimate. His own hips were thrusting hard into
Xander’s, the feeling of their hard cocks together making him
breathless. Xander was moaning into his ear, hands on his back
holding on and pushing at the same time.
“Giles…oh god. So good.”
Giles thrust again before forcing himself to pull away slightly.
Xander was young and would recover easily and quickly. Giles was
many things, but a near teen was not one of them. He kissed
Xander’s mouth again and murmured, “Do you have anything?”
Xander smiled at him shyly, and nipped at his lower lip. “Drawer
in the nightstand.”
Giles rolled over, Xander moving with him. Xander’s hand trailed
down his back and over the curve of his ass. When Giles reached
for the drawer Xander’s hand snaked under him to stroke at his balls
and Giles gasped. Xander moved his hand again, stroking the
underside of his erection and Giles’s hips pressed down into his
hand. It felt so good.
Then kisses on his back, up and down his spine. Wet, hot kisses,
and Giles had to move, had to try so very hard to remember what he was
doing. He shifted on the bed, trying to see into the
drawer. He pondered for a moment, felt the kisses return as
Xander moved with him again. He reached into the drawer and took
what was needed, then rolled, pulling Xander to him and kissing him
When he let Xander go he put the supplies on the bed and watched as
“Two?” Xander squeaked.
Giles laughed. “You do know that there are more if we need them,
Xander stared at him, eyes impossibly wide. Giles found the look
utterly adorable, and he laughed again. He pushed Xander back on
the bed and moved between his legs. “Tell me what you like,” he
said, as he began to touch and caress. He tugged at one of
Xander’s nipples as he licked and bit at the other, loving the way
Xander moaned. A strong hand was at the back of his head, keeping
him there, but Giles wanted to move on, move lower. He sucked at
the skin of Xander’s stomach, moved his hands to slide over his thighs,
fingers working at the muscles there.
When he finally, at long last, moved low enough to be able to take
Xander into his mouth he glanced up to look at Xander’s face. The
gaze that met his was hot and longing, full of wonder. He smiled
and bent his head, licked at the silky skin of Xander’s erection.
“Shit. Giles, not gonna last,” Xander gasped.
“You don’t need to.” He traced Xander’s cock from tip to base
with a finger then took it his mouth, sucking gently. Xander
groaned and pushed his hips up once then stopped. Giles could
feel him holding back, his legs trembling. He moved faster,
taking Xander deeper, sweeping his tongue over the head of the hot
flesh, tasting Xander.
“Fuck,” Xander whispered.
Giles used his hand to stroke at the base of Xander’s shaft, hand
strong and sure. Xander bucked again, crying out Giles’s name,
and this time he didn’t—couldn’t—stop. Giles let him slip from
his mouth after the next sucking pull and watched as Xander came for
him, spilling over his hand.
Xander’s head fell back on the bed with a sigh and Giles moved up to
lie next to him, taking a kiss that grew heated almost immediately as
he thrust against Xander’s hip.
Xander wrapped an arm around him, pulling him close. Giles
groaned as he felt the other hand on his cock, Xander pulling him all
too quickly to completion.
“Not yet,” he managed to say into the kiss.
“Not yet. Want to make this last. As long as I possibly
Xander broke the kiss and looked at him seriously. “We have time,
Giles. All the time we want.”
Giles wanted to believe him. He so desperately wanted to believe
that this was real, that Xander would still want him in the cold light
of day. But he couldn’t quite let himself, and he supposed that
Xander saw that in his eyes.
Xander rolled him onto his back and lay on top of him, his arms taking
his weight. He began to rub his body on Giles’s still looking
into his eyes. “Not playing here, Giles. Want you.
God, how I want you. I want to kiss you, want to hold you, want
to fall asleep in your arms.”
Giles stared at him, unable to look away. His hips were moving
with Xander’s, he could feel Xander’s cock starting, just barely, to
awaken along his hip.
“I want to cook with you. I want to work with you. I want
to read in the same room as you. I want to be with you. I
want you in me. I want to be in you. I want to never let
you go. I want to hold you and make you believe me. I want…”
Giles moaned as Xander’s mouth descended on his, Xander’s tongue
plunging into his, Xander’s hips driving against his. He felt
like he was about to burst, too many emotions, cock too hard, too much
time wasted, not enough time left. Then Xander was shifting
again, still possessing him with that searing kiss, his hands reaching
for the lube and a condom.
“Can I make love to you, Giles?” he whispered.
“Yes. God, please Xander. Please.”
Xander leaned up and quickly slipped the condom on his newly hardened
erection, then he opened the lube. He looked at Giles and grinned
a little. “Never done this part. You have to help me out
Giles was too far gone to take much note of how charming he found that
particular bit of conversation. He let Xander slick his fingers
and then guided his hand down, between his spread legs. He drew
his legs up and back and let Xander touch him, shivered as fingers
traced over the soft skin of his perineum and teased so lightly at his
“Gently. Just push one finger in gently. I haven’t done
this in a very long time and oh dear god, yes, like that.”
Xander’s finger slid in so very slowly and then stopped. Giles
breathed, willing himself not to come, wouldn’t let Xander’s other hand
stray to his erection. Xander moved the finger in him slightly,
gently sliding in and out and Giles felt his body relax.
“More,” he whispered.
Xander carefully added a finger and waited for Giles’s body to accept
it. This time when he moved Giles’s body surged around him and
“So that’s the spot?”
Giles gasped and nodded. “I suggest you avoid it for
awhile. Unless you want me to finish right now.”
Xander just smiled. “More?”
Giles shook his head. “No, need you. Please,
just…now. Xander, please?”
Xander looked at him, eyes wide again, and bent to kiss him.
“God yes. Now.”
Xander eased his fingers out of Giles’s body and moved closer.
Giles watched his face as Xander’s erection nudged at his body, forced
himself to relax as much as possible. Felt the stretch and slight
pain as Xander’s cock entered him, felt himself fill with the fire of
need and passion and desperation.
Xander looked stunned, his eyes wide as he watched himself taking
Giles. Dark eyes met Giles’s and they both groaned together as
Xander filled him, going deep. They stayed like that for a
moment, staring into each other’s eyes as they got used to the
“Giles,” Xander whispered. “So…unbelievably good.”
“Yes.” Giles’s voice was strained with need. He canted his
hips and Xander swore. “Now. Need you now.”
Xander started to move, his rhythm slow and deliberate, as if he were
trying to memorize the sensations. Giles let himself just get
lost in the feeling, not worrying about making this good for Xander; it
was good. And nothing would change that.
Xander’s angle changed and sparks shone behind Giles’s eyes.
“God, yes! There, right there.”
Xander did it again, and kept doing it until Giles thought he might
very will die from the need and the rush and the unending pleasure of
it. Then there was a hand on is erection, pulling him in time to
Xander’s rhythm, and he cried out Xander’s name.
He came hard, his body shuddering and grasping at Xander’s. His
hips jerked, rising and falling to meet Xander’s thrusts even as his
seed spilled onto his stomach, over Xander’s hand.
Dimly he heard an answering cry and felt Xander still in him before
thrusting again, twice, hard and deep. “Giles. Oh God,
After a few moments Xander lowered himself onto Giles’s chest.
They lay there, just trying to catch their breath for a bit and then
Xander shifted, easing out of Giles’s body. Giles whimpered at
the loss, suddenly feeling empty and incomplete.
Xander cleaned himself briefly and was back in his arms, kissing him
Giles didn’t feel so incomplete then.